


Whisper To Me Boy...

by Kailer_The_Mess, witchvixx



Category: K-pop, VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-07 12:50:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 26,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13435077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kailer_The_Mess/pseuds/Kailer_The_Mess, https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchvixx/pseuds/witchvixx
Summary: Set during the Whisper era this fic shows what I believe would happen if Leo and Ravi actually kissed except I took it a few steps further and now they're dating.





	1. Day 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my beta Karlie for helping me edit this and for the support and suggestions, it was a pleasure working with you.  
> Please check out Karlie, Pacificblues here on Ao3, shes listed as co-author so it shouldn't be too hard to find her page, there's some really amazing fics on her page so please show her some love too.

~Leo~

Today's the day it seems. Ravi had been talking to me about a new LR album that's been in the making for a while now and today he's finally come to me presenting a soundtrack and some incomplete lyrics. The two of us sit together for hours thinking up lyrics and then brainstorming concept ideas together. It's not an easy task but we're both so excited to do this that we don't even mind the difficulty.

 

Eventually we settle on a concept, the concept of youth as I had suggested. We decided we'd use bright or vibrant colors and eventually agreed on red and blue for passion and coolness respectively. I thought this was good because most youths are either very passionate or try to be very cool, so we get to see both sides of this in VIXX. 

 

“Do you already have an idea in mind on how I should sing this part, Wonshik?” I ask him while pointing to a line of lyrics. He nods with a small smile.

 

“ Yeah, can you sing these in a high note?”  He takes the lyric sheet from me and circles a few lines, next to each circle is a note which I'd assume is the note he wants me to sing in. 

 

“...I don't think these notes are within my vocal range-”

 

“Awww, come on hyung! At least try it, if you can't do it then I'll let you lower the notes.”  I stare at him before giving a silent sigh of compliance, I put the papers down before doing a few short vocal exercises. I pick the papers up again and try to sing the lyrics in the requested notes. The first attempt is a little forced and I run out air a little too quickly but I hit the notes. Ravi smiles at me encouragingly  “Smoother now.”  I nod and try it again, it's smoother now but just barely hitting the note. 

 

The next try finally gets it right, notes, smoothness, it's good and Ravi gives me a thumbs up.  “Perfect! Now let's practice together, figure out the harmonies and perfect the timing.” 

 

“But what about the other songs?” Ravi waves me off.

 

“Later.”  I roll my eyes but I don't protest. The two of us sit in Ravi’s studio practicing Whisper for roughly two hours before taking a break. This process is repeated for Beautiful Night and about half of Chocolatier before Ravi and I decide that it's time to focus on something more important. Food. We leave the studio and head to a nearby restaurant to eat. 

 

“Seems we've made another album all about love.” I comment idly as we sit with our food trays. He scoffs. 

 

“Hey, not all the songs on our last album were about love! Ghost wasn't a love song, and my light-” 

 

I cut him off “You shine brighter than the stars in the sky   
You call out to me with those pretty lips   
Will you always stay there?   
I’ll always be with you, you’re my light.” I sing out the lyrics softly then stare at him, waiting for him to counter my point.

 

He just stares back at me before smiling in embarrassment.  “Fine then our next album will be all about sex and… drugs! Yeah we'll be just like the western artists and I'll rap about how much money I have.”  I can't help but laugh at his little tirade and he laughs a little with me. 

 

“No no no no. We don't have to go that far, but maybe instead of doing a concept last we'll think of that first? We don't have to give it our all either just a general concept.” He nods and starts to eat his food and I follow suit, happily filling my mouth with food. 

 

“The only problem is that it restricts my creativity… though I'll keep in mind no love next time.”  I nod, only half listening as I continue to stuff my face.  “Is that okay with you hyung?”  I nod again, taking a sip of my drink before eating a bit more.  “I didn't hear anything, is it okay,  _ hyung _ ?”  I shoot him a weak glare before swallowing the food in my mouth. 

 

“Yes, that's okay with me.” he rolls his eyes at me with a satisfied smirk on his lips and we both finish eating in silence. 

 

After eating we head back to the studio and practice the rest of the album. It feels like only a few seconds had began since practice but it's already time to head to the dorms, the sun will begin setting soon. As soon as we open the door the other members greet us,  all of their eyes looking at us expectantly.  “It’s official, LR is making a comeback!”  They cheer and clap, N walks over to hug us and congratulate us. 

 

“We were out all day practicing the tracks.”

 

“Does that mean I'll finally get your autograph? I'll attend a fan meet too so please give me one.” I roll my eyes at the return of Hakyeonnie, LR’s biggest fan. 

 

“I'm still considering your autograph.”  I smile softly. Ravi never gives N a break. I watch Hakyeon as he pouts and neck chops Ravi.

 

“Yaaah, be nicer to your hyung!”  Ravi laughs softly at that as I walk off to the kitchen while the others talk. As a celebration, I'll make noodles for everyone. 

 

~Ravi~

Oh God, oh no. Not this feeling again.

 

Earlier today I showed Leo Hyung the soundtrack for our new album. He helped me with some of the lyrics and then we practiced the songs together. But I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. I found myself attracted to him yet again- but not really ‘again’ I had just managed to ignore this huge crush I have on him. But since LR is making a comeback I'll be close to him again and I can't handle being so close to him for so long. I know it sounds cheesy but when I'm so close to him my heart aches because I  _ know _ I can't have him.

 

Besides, I'm supposed to be straight.

 

Nevermind the fact that I had a huge crush on this guy in highschool and forget the fact that I have an even bigger crush on Leo, I'm supposed to be straight. 

 

I like girls too anyway so, it's not that hard to pretend I'm straight. What's it called? Bisexual? Yes that's exactly what I'm NOT. I'm not bisexual. It's not a real crush. I'm not  _ really _ attracted to Taekwoon to the point it hurts. Nope. 

 

And yet here I am.

 

Taking the longest shower I've taken in a while as I silently cry about how I'll never have this man as my lover, about how he'll never see me in the same way and about how much I  _ hate _ that I'm bisexual. Because no matter how much I try to deny it, I'm bisexual, and I'm madly in love with Jung Taekwoon, my band mate. 

 

Its taboo anyway. Anyone who isn't straight and cisgender still gets so much hate here in Korea- hell you get hate if your skin is even a little dark. We're just expected to be straight, cisgendered porcelain dolls and I  _ can't _ be that. As much as I hate it, I'm bisexual, and I understand that, I know I can't change that, and I accept myself.

But I still don't like it, if that makes sense. How would the rest of VIXX react if I told them that I'm bisexual? Would they hate me? Support me? I know they're pretty open minded but it's still a horrifying thought. 

 

I can't even bare to think about what starlights would do if they found out. Western Starlights would probably be welcoming of me but what about k-starlights? They get upset if we're in a dating scandal with  _ girls _ what would the backlash be like if I told them I was bisexual? 

 

There's other k-idols who are out of the closet of course, and sure I act tough and confident but I would not be able to handle any hate I'd get if I came out of the closet.

 

I sigh loudly and turn off the shower, wiping the tears from my eyes. I have to pull myself together. Being Bisexual isn't the end of the world. I suddenly hear a knock on the door. 

 

“Wonshikkie..?”  I turn to stare at the door, it's Hakyeon’s voice. 

 

“..Hyung?” I step out of the shower and dry myself off, changing into my clothes for the night. 

 

“Shikkie are you okay? You're not usually in there for so long.”  Fuck. He's worried about me. He  _ can't  _ be worried about me I just finished crying and he'll notice and he's gonna make me talk about it and-  “Shikkie? What's wrong?”  I feel myself tear up. I won't be able to pass off a lie.

 

I open the door and pull Hakyeon in, closing and locking it once he's inside. We stand silently for a few moments and I watch him frown as he takes in my red and watery eyes. He opens his mouth to say something and I cut him off before the words can even leave his mouth.

 

“Hyung I'm bisexual.” His mouth closes instantly and his facial expression grows neutral as he analyzes what I just said. Fear rises up like bile in my throat and I can't stop the spew of words that come from my mouth next. 

 

“I'm bisexual and I have a huge crush on Taekwoon but I obviously can't tell him because I'm supposed to be straight only I'm not straight and that's taboo here and I hate that I'm bisexual but I still accept myself and it doesn't make sense, I know, but LR is coming back and so my crush on him is stronger than ever and I don't know what to do with these feelings and I get to sing love songs with him but I can't tell him I love him because he'll reject me and hyung I  _ need _ for him to accept me and- and-  _ fuck _ -”  I break down sobbing and I fully expect to be hit or yelled at because how  _ dare _ I be bisexual? 

 

But that doesn't come. 

 

Instead I feel him pull me close and hug me tight, forcing my head onto his shoulder as he rubs my back. I didn't think it possible but I'm sobbing harder to the point where I can barely breathe.  ”Wonshik, please calm down. You'll choke yourself at this rate.” 

 

I force myself to take a few shaky deep breaths, coughing to clear the saliva from my throat. “You….. you don't hate me…?”  He gently strokes my hair.

 

“Wonshik, you're one of my closest friends, how could I ever hate you? Who cares if you're bisexual?” 

 

I have to bite my lip in order to keep from sobbing again. “Thank you so much.” It feels like a weight has been lifted off my chest. I can breathe easier knowing that someone else knows and even better, that I have support. I hadn't even realized that I was suffocating by staying in my closet. It feels good to let it out.

 

It's a while before I calm down and stop crying. Hakyeon just holds me close and rubs my back until I'm calm, I barely even notice that he's been softly singing to me this whole time. I pull away from him when I finally am calm and wipe at my face. “Hyung I… what do I do…?” He gives me a small smile.

 

“I can't tell you that. These are your feelings, it's your secret. I won't push you to come out or to confess, but I'm here for you if you need help with either of those things. You have my full support.”  The sincerity in his voice almost makes me start crying again, but I hold myself together.

 

“Tomorrow… Can you help me come out to Ken?”” he nods.

 

“Of course. I want to make sure this dorm is a safe space for you. I want you to have others who support you too.”

 

I smile and hug him again “Thank you, hyung.” he nods and hugs me back.. 

 

“Of course. we're more than friends after all, we're family.”  I smile more.

 

“Again thank-”

 

“But Wonshik, this isn't healthy.”  My heart drops. He just said he supports me, so what's unhealthy?

 

“You can't hate the fact that you're bisexual and accept yourself at the same time. I may not be gay but…”  He hesitates for a bit, then sighs. “I’m aromantic and I don't hate the fact that I'm aromantic, It's a part of me and I love every part of me. If you really love and accept yourself then you shouldn’t have a problem with being bisexual. It's a part of you, embrace it, but don't let it define you.”  I nod and let that sink in, he's right of course, but for some reason it's just so hard to accept.

 

“Thanks. Good night hyung.” 

  
“Good night, Wonshik.”  He pats me on the back then we both leave the bathroom and head to our rooms. 


	2. Day Two

~Leo~

Ravi and I went to the studio to practice again today, we agreed that about ten hours a day would be good. I really like this album. Working with Ravi is always a good time, we go really well together. But something’s wrong with Wonshik today. He seems tense, maybe?

 

While we were singing feeling, I had decided that right after Ravi’s rap I'd ask him what's wrong. So I listened to him rap his part of the song and then it was my turn.

 

“...Wonshik.” he gives me a confused look and pauses the music. “...Are you okay? You seem tense today. If anything is bothering you, I'm here for you.” The silence that follows is suffocating, after what feels like forever he finally responds. 

 

“A friend of mine is bisexual, and that's fine but they have a huge crush on one of his close friends and he asked me for help, but I don't know how. It's been on my mind all day.”  I nod and think about it for a moment. 

 

“I think… your friend should first find out how his crush feels about bisexuals, since that's not really accepted here. Once he finds that out he can decide what actions to take.” He stays quiet for a moment then nods. 

 

“Yeah.. Thanks… Hey hyung, what about you?”  I stare at him, not fully understanding the question.  “Like, with bisexuals. What do you think about them?”  My immediate response is to shrug. 

 

“I don't mind. that's their life, they should be free to love whoever they want to no matter the gender.” The shock is obvious on his face and he stares at me for a moment before speaking again. 

 

“But, isn't it wrong? Don't you think they should be straight? Don't you-” 

 

“Stop.” The hint of anger in my voice freezes him instantly. He slowly closes his mouth while staring at me, dumbfounded. “Don't ever let me hear those words come out of your mouth again Wonshik. I know most people in this country are against it but I expected better from you. People should be able to love no matter what, the only thing they ‘ _ should _ ’ be is free to love. They shouldn't be told all these horrible things about going to hell and what not just because they fell in love. you should know that.” He's quiet for a long time and I just silently stare at him, his eyes are watery as if he's about to cry. 

 

“You're right… Thank you hyung. I needed to hear that.”  Wonshik smiles at me, but why is he acting like this? I nod silently, we let the moment pass and go back to practicing. For the rest of the day, Wonshik seems calmer. 

 

~Ravi~

N hyung was right, hating that I'm bisexual is the same as hating myself to an extent, and after my talk with Taekwoon earlier it's clear just how much I hate myself for it. _ ‘They should be straight’.  _ I still can't believe I said those words out loud. I’m still reeling from Taekwoon’s words too. It's like a verbal slap to the face.  _ ‘The only thing they should be is free to love’.  _ He's right of course. 

 

I shouldn't have to hate myself for being what I am, I'm not hurting anyone by being bisexual, so why do I continue to hurt myself? I promise myself that from now on I'll try and be more accepting of myself. 

 

I told N hyung all about what had happened as soon as I got home. He was very happy to hear that Leo had defended bisexuals so strongly, though of course I was scolded for indirectly putting myself down. 

 

“There's nothing wrong with you Wonshik, I don't want you to start thinking that your bisexuality has to be ‘fixed’.”  I nod. 

 

“I know. I'll do better to try and really accept it… and myself.” he smiles at me and we head over to Ken together, I still want to try and come out to him.

 

“Hey, Ken hyung?” He looks up at me from his phone. 

 

“Hey Ravi! What's up?”  He smiles at me. 

 

“I need to tell you something…” I walk over and sit next to him, Hakyeon follows, gently putting a hand on my shoulder for moral support. I watch Ken’s expression grow serious as he waits for me to go on. “I don't know how to tell you this…” I hesitate for a long while before I feel a hand on my knee. 

 

“Wonshik, whatever it is, you can tell me. Just go for it. Rip the bandaid off. I can take it!”  I nod and take a deep breath. 

 

“Jaehwan I'm bisexual” I hold my breath as I watch his reaction. He smiles at me. 

 

“Thank you for telling me this Wonshik, I hope you're happy the way you are. You definitely have my support.”  I sigh in relief and hug him. 

 

“Thank you.”

 

“So what brought on this sudden confession? You got a boyfriend? Is he hot-”  I chuckle. 

 

“No, it’s Leo hyung, I have a crush on him.” Jaehwan’s smile only seems to grow when he hears that, and I blush. 

 

“You're gay?”  my blood freezes, that's Hyuk’s voice. I haven't told him yet. I turn to look at him and find him standing by the doorway to Ken’s room, he looks angry.  “I can't believe you!! You never told us? I was shirtless around you!”  I can't speak, I feel tears sting at my eyes.  _ ‘Please don't hate me’  _  the words won't leave my mouth. I can't even defend myself, I just sit there dumbfounded. I don't even realize that N hyung has moved until he's standing in front of Hyuk. 

 

“Hyuk. calm down. Wonshik isn't gay, he's bisexual and he’s  _ family _ , don't treat him like this.”  Hyuk scoffs.

 

“That's not my family.”  He turns to leave. 

 

“Han Sanghyuk don't you  _ dare _ walk away.”  Hakyeon’s voice is calm but firm which makes it all the more terrifying because I  _ know _ he's pissed off and he gets scary when he's angry. Hyuk hesitates a moment before turning and looking me right in the eyes. 

 

“You're disgusting.”  And with that he walks away, N silently chasing after him.

 

I don't move after they leave, I couldn't even if I wanted to. My ears are ringing loudly and it feels like my body is static, aside from the ringing in my ears it feels like my head is on fire. His words echo in my head  _ ‘You're disgusting’ _ . every time the phrase repeats it gets louder, angrier and it hurts my head. ‘Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting.’ the insult overlaps in my head and I just vaguely feel a sob escape my mouth.

 

All sounds are drowned out by that insult. He's right. Im disgusting. I shouldn't have came out, I should have stayed in my closet, suffocating as it was. I should have been born straight, I should be straight. I'm not straight and that's  _ wrong _ there's something wrong with me and I can't fix it, I can't fix myself. I shouldn't have told anyone, I should have just pretended to be straight, then Hyuk wouldn't hate me, then I wouldn't be disgusting. If one of my closest friends feel that way about me then how will the fans react? The media? My family?

 

I feel a sharp pain on my cheek that snaps me out of my stupor and I look up to see Jaehwan hovering over me, concern written all over his face.  “Wonshik please, get a hold of yourself.” Did he hit me? I feel like myself again at least, no more ringing ears or static body, I’m okay.

 

I break down sobbing.

 

I pull my knees up to my chest and hug them there, sobbing loudly into my arms. I feel so weak, why do I always become so vulnerable when talking about my sexuality? I feel the bed dip next to me as Jaehwan sits and instantly pulls me into his arms. 

 

“It's okay Wonshik, it's okay, N hyung will handle him, don't let his harsh words get to you, okay? I love you, we all love you  Hyuk just needs some time to get used to the idea of you being bisexual. He'll realize that you're still you soon. Being bisexual doesn't change who you are at heart. Don't beat yourself up, okay? It's okay,  _ you're _ okay. there's nothing wrong with you, understand? Being gay, bisexual, whatever is just as normal as being straight.” 

 

His words make me feel alot better, and the fact that he can still tell me he loves me, as a friend, means the world to me. I stop hugging myself and hug Ken instead, clinging onto him as if my life depends on it. He holds me close and whispers that everything is going to be okay and he tells me about how there's nothing wrong with me.

 

And I believe him. That's what all the hyungs have said, there's nothing wrong with being bisexual. I know this. I pull away from Jaehwan when I stop crying. “Screw him. There's nothing wrong with me.” I say out loud to myself, earning a smile from Ken.

 

“Yeah! Fuck that bastard!”  I have to suppress a smile. “

 

There's nothing wrong with me. I'm still Kim Wonshik, I just happen to like boys and girls, and that's okay.” 

 

“Yeah thats right!!!”  I'm smiling now. 

 

“I don't need his approval. If he was really my friend he wouldn't care.” 

 

“Yeah!! you don't need people like that in your life!”  My smile widens and I stand up. 

 

“I'm gonna go confess to Leo right now!” 

 

“Yeah! wait- what no not yet Wonshik-”  I stare at him then nod 

 

“Right… I'm just now learning to accept myself, I shouldn't push it. I'll confess when I'm more confident.” Ken pats me on the back.

  
“Good idea”  I hug him once more then go off to my room to nap before dinner. 


	3. Day Three

~Leo~

I don't think I want to do this comeback anymore. It's all Ravi’s fault. If he hadn't debuted with VIXX, I wouldn't be in this mess. Ever since Mydol I've had a crush on him and everyday it seems that crush grows bigger and bigger. He keeps getting sexier and he has such a sweet and caring personality. Kind and protective too, and he's always so modest despite all that he's accomplished and I love that about him. And I think I kinda love him. It's always so hard to keep this feeling in check when LR is active. Just the two of us, singing and dancing together, being extra close for however long the promotions last. I could get addicted to him if I'm not careful. I want to be with him so badly, everyday, but why is this comeback making me want to be with him more than ever?

 

Is it because we're singing romantic love songs this time? Maybe that's it. He doesn't even know that I'm gay yet, I've only told N. The day it was decided that we would be a group together I pulled him aside and told him that I was gay and that if he had a problem with it he could kick me out then and there. He actually seemed happy when I told him that, which was kinda weird but he's been pretty good at keeping it a secret. I'm glad I can trust Hakyeon with my secrets, I can really trust him.

 

Speaking of secrets, Wonshik is acting weird again today. I'm not sure if it's my imagination or not but I swear he keeps staring at me when he thinks I'm not looking.

 

It's driving me crazy, is there something on my face? Is it because he's checking me out- no he wouldn't do that, he's straight. Is he hiding something from me? It kind of feels like he is. I find myself watching him closely as we practice Whisper together. He seems uncomfortable under my gaze, is it my fault he seems so out of it today? We get to the part of the song where he's supposed to say ‘really love you’ but he trips over his tongue.

 

“Wonshik are you okay? You seem really tense lately” I try to keep my tone soft, compassionate and he sighs.

 

“I uh… I recently learned something about myself, and I've been working on telling the members but one of them didn't… he was really upset with me when he found out, and I guess I'm just worried he'll tell the others before I'm ready to tell them.” It's a vague story so I'd guess he's too nervous to tell me right now, if that's the case, I won't push him.”

 

“Well… he was probably just shocked and in his disbelief he accidentally attacked you. This thing that you learned about yourself, are you okay with it?” He's silent for a long while then he nods slowly.

 

“Y-yeah… Yeah. I'm proud of who I am now. No more denying that part of me, I promised myself.”

 

I nod “Well then that's all that matters, if you really accept yourself and are proud of yourself then everyone else’s opinions shouldn't matter.” he nods and smiles at me.

 

“Thanks hyung. On that note I'll tell you, what I learned about myself.” I stay quiet, silently prompting him to go on. He takes a deep breath before he speaks again. “I’m bisexual but… I'm just now starting to accept myself for it, which is why we had that conversation yesterday. I  accidentally said my negative thoughts out loud. I used to think those things to myself ‘I should be straight’ but I've never said those things about others. I've always been very accepting of everyone regardless of sexual orientation and things like that and then when I first realized I was bisexual I ignored it, tried to be straight, I told myself that it wasn't normal. But lately talking with you, N hyung and Jaehwan I realized that I don't have to hurt myself for being who I am. So thank you, for the support, I hope you'll continue to support me from here too.”

 

I nod and give him a small smile. “Of course I'll continue to support you, Wonshik.” The way his eyes light up and that happy smile that spreads across his face is enough to make my heart stop beating. He's so precious, that genuine smile of his is enough to make even angels cry. _I'm_ gonna cry. Right now that happy smile is for me and me alone, caused by me. I want to be the one to make him smile forever, I want to make him happy forever. And now I know that he's bisexual, that means I have a chance.  

 

“Thank you, hyung. It really means alot to me.” He leans in to hug me, and I hug him back. The smell of his cologne seems to envelop my body just like his arms do and he's warm and it feels like my body belongs here, pressed against his chest. I drink in his scent, his cologne the faint smell of his shampoo, and easily get drunk on it, losing all sense of direction. Any logical thoughts or worries or concerns are hushed and it feels like the rest of the world doesn't exist.

 

For the moment I convince myself that if we stay like this for just a little longer our hearts will become one. ‘Kiss me, kiss me.’ The thought bounces around in my head. But then he pulls away and suddenly I come crashing back down to reality.

 

I have to stop myself from whimpering, I don't want to let go of him. We look at each other for a few moments after he pulls away, neither of us want to move. There's a very fragile moment taking place right here right now, I know we both feel it. Our eyes lock onto each other and we hold each other's gaze, I find myself getting lost in the brown of his irises. I want to speak but I don't want to break the mood, how can I tell him how I feel if I'm too afraid to speak?

 

Without even realizing it we had gotten closer together. His face keeps getting closer and closer to mine. Is he moving? Am I moving? I don't know, all I do know is that I want this. I want this more than anything else in the world right now. My face heats up as a blush spreads across my cheeks, I notice he's blushing too. Both of our faces are hot, our noses just a few centimeters away. We're burning up. I can't think of anything other than him right now. His face, his lips, his eyes, his soft breath. My heart feels like it’s being squeezed and I feel like I'm suffocating until mercifully, the gap is closed.

 

Our lips meet, fitting together perfectly as my eyes flutter close. His lips feel plump and smooth and like everything I've ever dreamed they would feel like. It feels like I'm weightless, every part of my being is celebrating this simple meeting of lips. I don't feel his breath on my cheek and that's when I realize that I'm holding my breath too. A hand comes up to cup my cheek and he draws me closer, our soft kiss turning a bit more passionate. This is something we've both wanted for a long time, I can tell. I want to kiss him forever, even as my lungs start to burn I can still only think of being like this forever. We keep kissing until it feels our lungs are completely out of air, even then we linger for just a few seconds longer before reluctantly pulling away. I stare at him, lightheaded, panting softly. Am I lightheaded from emotion or lack of air? I can't tell.

 

“I'm so sorry.” I had just finished catching my breath when those words came out of Wonshik’s mouth and my heart all but shatters into bits. “I shouldn't have… I'm sorry. You're straight, I shouldn't have kissed you, I don't want to do that to you, it's not fair for you even if I do have feelings for you, I can't-”

 

“Wonshik I'm gay. I've been gay for a long while and…” I sigh “I've had a crush on you since Mydol.” He stares at me, then opens his mouth to say something but I don't let him speak. “Wonshik I've wanted to be with you… romantically, for a very long time and I think that kiss confirms that you want the same so…” I hesitate, my heart beating a mile a minute. “So let's be lovers.”

 

~Ravi~

Today has got to be the best day of my life. I told Leo I was bisexual, he accepted me, we kissed, and now he wants to be lovers!!! Even better I have yet to put myself down for being bisexual today. It's great. “Taekwoon, it'd make me the happiest luckiest man in the world if you and I became lovers. Let's do this. From today on we're boyfriend and boyfriend.” He smiles a huge smile and I swear my heart stops for a moment. We hug and he even nuzzles into me. My heart is so happy, I'm filled with nothing but love for this man right now, but then a thought crosses my mind. “Wait, Taekwoon you said that you're gay but didn't you have a girlfriend?”  

 

He nods and crawls into my lap, leaning into me, I wrap my arms around him, holding him close. “I still wasn't sure of my sexual identity when I dated her but it soon became clear to both of us that I just wasn't into girls like that. I never really found her attractive and I don't think I ever even told her I loved her. I thought I liked her when we first got together but I didn't. We were basically really close friends that kissed like twice a week and so she dumped me. Even if I wasn't really attracted to her I was content in the relationship because to me I was just doing what's expected of me. By that I mean how if I date a girl and brag about her no one would bother me about getting a girlfriend. It wasn't long after the break up that I realized I was gay.” I kiss the top of his head as he finishes his story, the two of us cuddling close together in the chair.

 

“Did you have any troubles accepting yourself as gay?” I ask, idly playing with his soft hair, it smells like apples and cinnamon. He's quiet for a while, but it's a comfortable silence. I kiss his cheek as I wait for him to answer me.

 

“It wasn't hard for me to accept myself. I've already told my parents too. Mom accepted me instantly but it took dad a small while.” A small part of me is upset that he came to accept himself so easily but overall I'm happy to hear that he and his parents accept him.

 

“what changed your dad's mind about you being gay?” He turns to face me and presses a soft kiss to my lips, pulling away before I can kiss back. He re-positions himself so that he's leaning into me sideways, his legs dangling off of the side of the chair. Once settled he kisses me again and this time I can actually kiss back. Taekwoon’s lips are as soft as I've always imagined.

 

“It's part of my personal path to self enlightenment so he didn't really have a choice but to accept it.” I stare at him as if he grew a second head as I wait for him to explain. He sighs softly before he actually explains anything.

 

“I'm a Buddhist and it's a very spiritual type religion and among the teachings there's this thing called the path to self enlightenment in which we seek to enlighten ourselves more day to day whether it be something small like learning about an old war or something huge like starting a peaceful protest to try and prevent a war. There's a way to learn from simple everyday things and those things help you grow as a person too. That knowledge you gain and that growth, whether big or small, that's enlightenment. Finding out I was gay helped me grow more as a person and I know more because of it. My parents believe in the same philosophy so there's really no room for them to tell me that what I feel is wrong.”

 

I nod. “That… actually makes alot of sense, I'm glad you have such a merciful religion.” He nods into my chest and I smile at him lovingly. I'm so lucky to have him, it's only been a few hours but already I feel blessed. I can't believe that I used to think I'd never be with him, yet here we are, together and in love.

 

We accidentally spend the last hour of our practice session cuddling and kissing each other, whispering sweet words and cutesy song lyrics to each other until it was time to go. A sigh escapes Leo's mouth as he reluctantly leaves my lap and we both stand up.

 

“Taekwoon? I've been thinking, can we have a secret sign that we use while we're in the dorm? It'll be used when we want to sneak off and cuddle or something. I've been thinking it could be like this.”  I hold my hand out in front of me, palm facing upwards then close the hand into a tight fist, flexing the muscles my arm as I do so. “So let's say I do this during dinner, if you can actually sneak off with me then you do the sign back and when we see an opening we'll both sneak off.” He stares at me for an impossibly long time.

 

“Wonshik, all you did was flex your arm without being dramatic about it.” I stare at him before smiling.

 

“Yeah, but it's planned, there's logic to it, you could even say that we’d be _analytically flexing_ if we use this secret visible sign.” He stares at me with a very tired expression As I try my hardest not to laugh, it looks like Leo is trying his best not to smile.

 

“I'm going to hit you.” That threat is all it takes for me to burst into laughter, as I laugh I see Taekwoon smile and it warms my heart. I finish laughing a few moments later and watch as Taekwoon tries out the hand sign before looking at me and nodding. He approves of it. With that, the two of us head back to the dorm.

 

I'm expecting everything to go wrong from the moment I walk into the dorm but it's actually quiet. Suspiciously quiet. I go to find Hakyeon and tell him the good news, I find him in his room reading a book. “N hyung?” It takes a few seconds but he soon puts his bookmark in the book and turns to me.

 

“Welcome home Wonshik! How was your day?” I close the door behind me and go to sit next to him. “Today was great. I haven't put myself down at all today, I told Leo I was bisexual and we uh… we're dating now.” I feel my cheeks warm up as I blush, next to me Hakyeon is smiling brightly.

 

“Congratulations Wonshik! I'm so happy for you!” I smile bashfully as Hakyeon pulls me into a hug, I hug him back.

 

“Thanks hyung. Hey, why is it so quiet? What happened to hyuk last night?” The smile on his face drops off completely and he sighs.

 

“Hyuk told Hongbin about your crush on Leo last night, but Hongbin actually defended you so he and Hyuk got into an argument and they haven't spoken all day. I talked to Hyuk about accepting you and he ignored me but I'm sure he'll come around soon.” I sigh.

 

“I hope so, but… whether he accepts me or not, it doesn't matter anymore. I'm happy with who I am and that will be all that matters from now on, I promise.” When I look over at Hakyeon he has this bright smile on his face.

 

“You've grown so much in the past few days I'm so proud of you. It makes me happy to know that you're finally accepting yourself.” I. smile.

 

“Me too. I've gone through so much pain over the years simply because I didn't accept myself, it's about time I stop. No doubt they'll be slip ups and moments where I go back to those old habits but… I have support now. Having you guys support me will help a lot in the future because I know that whatever challenges I have to face, I won't be alone.” He pats my shoulder and opens his mouth to say something when suddenly there's a knock on the door.

 

“N Hyung? Can I come in?” It's Hongbin’s voice. N gives me an unsure look before getting up to open the door, Hongbin walks right in.

 

“Hey Wonshik- Hyung I wanna talking to you about what Hyuk told me about…” Hongbin trails off as realization hits and he turns to face me.

 

“Wonshik. You're here. Is what Hyuk said true? Are you really gay? Do you really have a crush on Leo?”

 

“I'm bisexual, and yes I have a crush on Taekwoon.”  He nods and I await his reaction, good or bad I'm ready for it.

 

“Hyuk was way out of line to tell me without your consent. But then again he doesn't know what it's like to be bisexual. I may not know about it first hand but I had a bisexual friend in highschool and she went through hell even though she was in the closet about it.” I find myself silently exhaling in relief, I didn't even notice I was holding my breath.

 

“Thanks Hongbin, that really means a lot. I'm happy to know that I can count on you for support.” he nods and lingers in the room for a few moments before walking out. “I guess best four out of five isn't bad” I tell Hakyeon who just rolls his eyes.

 

“I smell food, you should probably go get ready to eat.” I nod and leave the room, going off to shower and change for the night. It doesn't take long before we're all being called to eat and everyone heads over to the dinner table. Taekwoon and I sit next to each other at the table and opposite of me is Hyuk. The six of us make small talk as we eat, with the exception of Leo, who’s always quiet, and Hyuk who's unusually quiet.

 

I'm concerned at first but I soon forget, too swept up in the conversations going on. It's not until I look up from my plate and see Hyuk staring at me that I'm reminded of his silence. “Hyuk…? Are you okay?”

 

“Hyung I… I'm sorry about last night and I'm sorry I told Hongbin like that… also Hongbin I'm sorry for arguing with you last night.” Hongbin smiles at Hyuk and puts an arm on Hyuk’s shoulder.

 

“I knew you'd come around eventually. Apology accepted.” Hyuk rolls his eyes at Hongbin before playfully shoving him, earning a laugh from Hongbin.

 

“I forgive you Hyuk. It's good to know got don't find me disgusting.” He turns a little red, chuckling nervously.

 

“Yeah actually, can you forget I said that..? I didn't really mean it…”

 

I nod. “I'll try my best.” With that being said and done we all go back to eating, the conversation is more lively now that Hyuk’s talking again.

  
Out of the corner of my eye I see Taekwoon give me the signal. He's so cute, I give him the signal in return and he leaves the table and heads for his room. Moments later when I finish my plate I sneak off to Leo's room and we end the day together by cuddling.


	4. Day Four

~Leo~

We fell asleep together, Wonshik and I. There's nothing wrong with that of course, we're lovers now. The sleep I had last night while cuddled up to Wonshik is the best sleep I've had in a long while. But now we have to leave the room, and no one saw Wonshik come into my room. I'm not really ready to tell the rest of VIXX that I'm gay. It's not that I don't trust them, it just feels like the wrong time.  Though I will tell them soon, maybe at the end of the week. 

 

I'm the first one to wake up and instantly I'm greeted by Wonshik’s cute sleeping face. I can't help but smile at him, the sight makes my heart happy. I press a gentle kiss to his lips before slowly sliding out of bed. I stretch and rub the sleep out of my eyes, groggily walking to the kitchen and putting the coffee pot on. I sit down to wait for the water to boil but I must have fallen asleep because next thing I know Wonshik is gently shaking me awake, a fresh cup of coffee in hand. 

 

“Morning hyung. I fixed a cup for you.”  I nod in thanks, taking the cup from him and sipping it. I let the flavors sit on my tongue before swallowing the fluid, a happy sigh escaping me. The coffee was made exactly the way I like it and my heart flutters knowing that my boyfriend pays so much attention to what I like. I take a few more sips, waking up fully before giving Wonshik a smile. 

 

“Thanks Wonshik.” He smiles back at me and I think he's going to kiss me but before he gets the chance to, Ken walks into the kitchen. We quickly make it look like we weren't about to kiss, Wonshik moving away and over to the stove to make breakfast.

 

“GOOOOOD MORNING LR!!!!”  I roll my eyes at Ken’s volume and take another sip from my coffee. It's gonna be a long day, I already miss Wonshik and he's just a few feet away. I wave at Jaehwan, my way of saying ‘morning.’ 

 

“morning Hyung. I'm making breakfast today, can you go make sure the others are awake?”  Ken nods and exits the kitchen, leaving Ravi and I alone again. I sigh softly into my cup of coffee, the moment from earlier is gone. 

 

I set my cup down and stir it without purpose, watching as the liquid swirls in the cup. I don't even hear Ravi get closer to me, I don't even notice he's close to me until he turns my head towards him and kisses me. I'm shocked at first but quickly melt into it, knowing that it won't last for long. When he pulls away we both smile at each other and he goes back to cooking.

 

The kiss was such a small gesture yet I find myself smiling all throughout breakfast, even when the rest of VIXX sleepily comes to eat. Wonshik sits next to me at breakfast, the two of us stealing glances at each other and smiling when we accidentally make eye contact. As breakfast draws to an end I find myself staring at his hand and I want to hold it. I want to hold his hand and lean on him and feel him hold me close. His hand is just sitting there, resting on the left side of his plate.

 

I want to hold his hand.

 

that's the only thing I can think of. I switch from eating with my right hand to my left and slowly move my hand closer to Ravi’s. If I hold his hand I'll have to tell the others about us. Are they ready for that? Can they handle it? I close the gap, taking Wonshik’s hand in mine, gently squeezing it. I’m nervous. My heart is pounding in my head and my lungs feel tight. There's no need to feel this nervous. I feel Wonshik squeeze my hand in return and look over to see him give me a small supportive smile and a nod. I take a deep breath and sigh. That's right, I have Wonshik with me, and Hakyeon already knows. I can do this.

 

Unsure how to bring it up to everyone, I brace myself and say the words as calmly as possible. “I’m gay.” It's not loud enough, the only ones who seem to hear it are Hakyeon, to my left, and Wonshik, to my right. Hakyeon gently pats my back and whispers a ‘good luck.’ Ravi gives my hand another supportive squeeze and I squeeze back, letting his touch comfort me.

 

I take a deep breath and try again, louder. “I'm gay.” This time everyone hears me and a wave of fear, pride and happiness washes over me as I gauge their reactions. They all seem to know there's more, or maybe they're waiting for an explanation. I move on to the next topic. I shoot a quick glance to Wonshik to make sure he's okay with what I'm about to say and he nods at me. I turn to face the rest of VIXX again. 

 

“Wonshik and I are dating.” The reaction this time is mixed, I squeeze Wonshik’s hand anxiously. Gasps of shock are heard, huge smiles from N and Ken can be seen, Hyuk seems to be in shock and Hongbin seemed… unaffected, almost. Is he shocked into disbelief? Is he okay with it? What about Hyuk? Though he at least seems seems surprised, it doesn't look like Hongbin even cares. I'm pulled out of my thoughts with a big hug and instantly know that it’s Hakyeon.

 

“Taekwoonnie, I'm  _ so  _ proud of you! That was so brave of you. I can't believe you actually went through with it good job! Congratulations on your relationship with Ravi! I'm so happy for you!”  His enthusiasm is more than appreciated, it makes me happy to know his friendship has no bounds and that I'm accepted so easily. I let go of Ravi’s hand and hug Hakyeon back. 

 

“Thank you, Hakyeon. I can't express how much this means to me.” I let go of him before directing my gaze to the rest of VIXX. I’m really worried about how Hyuk will react. I don't think Hongbin will be that bad, Ken seems happy. Hyuk on the other hand is a different story.

 

“So you two _ were _ about to kiss when I entered this morning? Oh- congratulations by the way! I'm happy for you~” I can't help the blush that suddenly burns my cheeks a deep red. I hide my face in my hands as Ken chuckles.

 

“Aaa, you saw that? Can you forget you saw it?”.  I can't even bring myself to see if Wonshik’s flustered too, my face is too red for me to remove my hands for now.

 

“Aish, there's a couple in the house..? If you guys get too cringey I'll splash water on you!”  I can hear Wonshik laugh next to me. I expected nothing less from Hongbin. I pull my hands away from my face, across from me I can see Hongbin smiling. I feel really happy with all this support. I can't help but smile as I glance around the table, eyes locking with Hyuk’s. He has yet to say anything. I can feel the smile drop off of my face as worry takes hold of me. 

 

“You… you do love each other, right?”   It's such a simple question. It can be answered so easily, but why is it suddenly so hard to open my mouth? That question holds some serious weight and I feel that if the answer is as flimsy as a ‘yes’ then it won't be taken seriously. Wonshik and I look at each others, our eyes lock. The moment they do I can tell that he's thinking the same thing I am. He looks away first and turns his gaze to Hyuk, visibly inhaling. I take Wonshik’s hand in mine, silently supporting him as he did to me earlier. 

 

“Hyuk. I struggled with the fact that I'm bisexual since high school. I pushed away any and all thoughts relating to the fact that I liked guys and if that didn't work I'd ignore it or think about a really pretty girl instead. Right before I graduated one of the students was outed as bisexual and was bullied almost daily until he…. disappeared one day, and no one was even sad that he did what he did. They seemed happy about him being dead. So I didn't dare tell anyone I was bisexual. I didn't want to end up like him. 

 

“I tried my best to force myself to be straight for so long, I think it worked for a while too. Then I debuted with you guys… I couldn't keep my eyes off of Leo, I wanted to be close to him at all times. Then I realized I had a crush again, just when I thought I had gotten rid of that part of me. The more I tried and ignored it the stronger that feeling got, the stronger that feeling got the more upset I was by the fact that I liked guys. When LR first debuted, that was the happiest I had felt in a while. I felt at ease with Taekwoon, just the two of us. Something inside of me kept telling me that it's okay to fall for him, it told me I belonged with him. 

 

“Here we are, two years after debut, finally dating. Though a few days ago I found myself crying, telling N hyung that I was bisexual, telling him about how I should be straight and venting out my frustrations on how I'd never be Taekwoon’s boyfriend. The talk he gave me there, the talk I had with Ken and even a talk I had with Leo, they let me know that it's okay. There's nothing wrong with what I am, I know that now. Knowing that has made falling for Leo all the more breathtaking. I love him. I really do, I'm sure of it now.”

 

My heart squeezes in my chest. Wonshik went through so much, it must have been hard for him. Though it also makes me blush, knowing he loves me like that. Hyuk seems a little guilty having heard Wonshik’s story, I'm sure he's still trying to get used to the idea of me being gay and Ravi being bisexual. 

 

“I may not have experienced any real struggles when it came to being gay since I accepted myself pretty quickly and even my parents didn't really have a problem with it but… I really love him. I've had the biggest crush on him for years and I’m glad to finally be able to date him.” 

 

The whole table is quiet, everyone’s focus is on Hyuk who's silently staring down at his plate. I don't feel nervous anymore. whatever response he has, I could care less. I'm more than happy sitting next to the love of my life and knowing that he feels the same way I do.  “I can respect that then. I’m still learning but… I'll try and accept that. Love really is blind so… I have no right to judge. I hope you two are happy together.” 

 

It feels real good knowing that Hyuk isn't totally against us. He doesn't fully accept us either, but I'm sure he will, it will just take him some time. With that talk out of the way, we finish breakfast. Once breakfast is over Wonshik and I go to the studio to practice once again.

 

~Ravi~

I'm actually not sure if we're practicing singing or cuddling. We're sitting in my studio together again today. When we first started working on the songs, I bought an extra chair for Leo to sit in. yet here we are with Leo in my lap, my arms around his waist as he cuddles me and I nuzzle my face into his neck.We're still singing of course but I can't help but be distracted by the beautiful man in my lap. 

 

I'm staring at his face as he sings the lyrics to Feeling and for some reason, I'm more distracted than I was before. The way his lips move as he sings, the way his eyelashes seem to flutter each time he blinks, the concentration on his features. I love it, I love him. 

 

He notices me staring and stares back at me. Silently, the two of us have a staring contest which only ends when I make a funny face, causing Leo to burst into laughter. I smile warmly at him, holding him closer as he laughs so he won't fall off of my lap.

 

“I love you so much.” the words leave my mouth before my brain can process them, time itself slows down once realization hits the two of us. Sure we both spoke about how much we loved each other this morning but we still had yet to say those words  _ to _ each other, face to face. Leo's laughter slowly dies down as he gazes at me, a bright smile on his face. 

 

“I love you too, Wonshik.”  I'm pretty sure my heart just melted. The soft tone in his voice mixed with the sincerity of his smile has set my heart on fire and quickly melted it. Those words had killed me on the spot. I can feel my cheeks heat up, my eyes getting lost in his eyes. I close the gap between us and kiss him sweetly, it's the only thing I can think of doing when he’s smiling at me like that. 

 

I can feel him melt into the kiss, one of his hands coming up to cup my cheek. I find it sweet that he does that each time we kiss, as if wanting to be closer to me. We kiss for about a minute before pulling apart. Instantly, I'm blessed by the sight of a smiley Taekwoon gazing down at me, his eyes full of love. 

 

“I really wanna go on a date with you. I wanna hold hands with you and walk to a cafe or something with you and just sit and talk with you while laughing over coffee. I wanna go to the movies with you and hold your hand as you lean your head on my shoulder, whispering sweet things to you as the movie plays on.” I sigh. “I don't want to have to hide our love from the world. I want to love you as openly as any straight couple can.” 

 

The smile on Leo’s face gives way to a more serious expression and he slumps down into my lap to nuzzle into my chest.  “I want that too. But I think in order to do that we'd first have to tell our fans and our manager… are you ready to deal with their reactions?” 

 

It's a heavy question, but it's real. It's not as simple as just going on dates. Not unless we do it in secret, but if we do date in secret we'd have to act like friends which defeats the purpose. I sit and think on this for a long time. I know I'm not confident enough to deal with the backlash yet, just being around Hyuk makes me feel uncomfortable since I know he doesn't fully support me. 

 

“Maybe… when promotions end, we'll tell them. During the very last stage, let's show them our love.” I watch as Taekwoon’s hand reaches up, his fingers lazily brushing against my cheek before moving to play in my hair. 

 

“How do you want to show them our love?”  I smile at him deviously, he gives me a blank look in return.

 

“We make it obvious. Our performance stages will likely be Whisper and Feeling so during Whisper we’ll do small things like make eye contact during the more romantic lines. Like when you sing

‘show me your love, yeah we're burning up baby, 

whisper yourself into my heart.’ 

You'll look me in the eyes then when I rap 

I'm feeling like a gosling I'm sure of this feeling 

love you 

love you, 

love you, 

love you,

love you really love you.’ 

I'll look you in the eyes.” 

 

He nods slowly, silently prompting me to go on. “Then for feeling, during the ‘falling in love’ verses you can look at me and the part where I say ‘I wanna be with you’ I can gesture to you.” 

 

“What if Feeling goes first?”

 

“We can ask the programmers to put Feeling second.” Leo nods, his hand falling away from my hair and coming to rest on my shoulder. I lean down to press a gentle kiss to his forehead, earning a soft smile from him.

 

“What if all of that isn't enough? Like, what if they think it's just fanservice?” 

 

“Well… maybe each time we perform Feeling, not just for the final stage but for all the stages, we could do a cute little action or pose together at the end. Like making a heart together with our cheeks touching or touching our fingertips together stuff like that. Then for the last stage… we kiss?” Leo abruptly sits up in my lap, staring at me in disbelief.

 

“Kiss? On the lips?”  I can feel my face heat up with a blush.

 

“Not on the lips, no. I was thinking on the cheek?” I watch as Taekwoon relaxes, melting back down into my lap.

 

“Maybe for the last performance I can replace girl with boy?” Leo suggests, folding his hands on top of his belly. I smile at him, running my fingers through his hair. 

 

“Yes! That'd be perfect.” He smiles up at me, a small soft smile, but still a smile. It's a beautiful smile, he's beautiful. I'm so lucky to have him. 

 

“I love your smile. It makes me happy to see you smiling more. You feel like a completely different person from the Leo I knew five years ago.” He nods in my lap, lazily leaning up to kiss my cheek before cuddling into me again. It feels like we're one person in this moment, a single love filled being. 

 

“I'm smiling more often lately because I’ve warmed up, not just to you guys but our fanbase as well. When we debuted I wasn't used to all the attention, I wasn't used to the rest of VIXX. It was like suddenly I had more responsibility and I didn't know how to handle it. I'm used to it now, watching my public image and living with you guys, so now I can relax.” 

  
“Hmm.” I press a soft kiss to his lips, then his cheek. “That's good to hear. You've grown so much over the years, I'm proud.” Leo cups my  cheek with his hand, my heart flutters knowing what's next. He leans in and kisses me, a slow sweet kiss. I melt into him, relaxing against his hand, against his lips. The world seems to melt away along with me. It's a long, sweet kiss and when we finally pull away it feels like it didn't last long enough. 


	5. Day Eight

~Leo~

After a week of practicing nonstop Wonshik and I finally felt confident enough to contact our production team and start recording the album. We're both excited and even a little nervous about recording, we don't want to disappoint our Starlights, even if they do seem excited about the comeback. 

 

Today we're in the recording studio. Wonshik and I stand in the recording booth, waiting for our manager to return with the producer. “I miss our practice sessions.” I sigh, glancing over at Wonshik who's leaning against the wall.

 

“I miss being able to hold you for hours at a time too.”  He smirks at me and I blush. I can't help if I like being held by him, his arms wrapped tightly around me with my head against his chest. It just feels so… secure there. It's as if hidden within his arms is a secret other world just for me. A place where I'm surrounded by nothing but his love and warmth. 

 

“You've grown alot from the Wonshik from a week ago, you can actually admit to cuddling with me.” He shrugs nonchalantly, walking over and wrapping his arms around me, pulling me close to him. 

 

“I've had lots of love and support from the people around me. It’s hard to hate part of myself when that part of me is being embraced by those who matter the most.”  He pauses to press a kiss to my forehead. 

 

“I still have moments when I dislike that part of me, but then I remind myself that it's natural and I look at all that I've gained from accepting that part of me… I'm starting to see it as more and more of a good thing with each day. I have you to thank for that, the rest of VIXX too.” 

 

I nod. “That's great. I'm proud of you.” I look out of the booth and glance at the door to the room, it's still closed. I take this opportunity to cup one of Wonshik’s cheeks, lean in, and kiss him. He kisses back and we stay like that for a few moments before reluctantly pulling away. We can't risk being caught, it's not the right time to come out yet.

 

We put some distance between ourselves physically too, though when he pulls away it feels like he's still connected to me through something, like a string. What a strange feeling. Before I can question it any further the door opens. I sigh, it's about time they arrive. 

 

Wonshik and I go to stand in front of the microphones in the room, as we stand there I can't help but notice how close we are to each other. I try to ignore our closeness and focus on the producer, Choi. I watch as Choi gives a silent countdown on his fingers, when he points to me I begin to sing, the instrumental following shortly after. It only takes a few seconds for me to lose myself in the lyrics, the rest of the world melts away within moments. 

 

That is, until Ravi’s rap comes up. I stop singing and listen to him. As I listen I think of us, as a couple. Soon even those thoughts are replaced with him, I find myself hypnotized by his voice. His voice sounds so  _ good _ when he uses this soft sweet tone, the way he says ‘baby’ almost drives me crazy. Then it's my turn again, or rather our turn. the bridge leading into the chorus is a harmony, meaning Wonshik and I have to sing together. Sadly, my voice drowns out his but if you listen closely you can hear him too. 

 

The chorus is all me. I can't lose myself in the music like I did earlier since Wonshik’s presence keeps me rooted in reality. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Ravi struggling to act casual as I sing, he looks so awkward. I want to kiss him and ease his tension. I just want to be able to crawl into his arms again and let his warmth and smell drown me. Why can't we sing while holding each other? Why were we born into such a homophobic place? It takes nearly all of my willpower not to sigh into the microphone. 

 

I should be focusing on the lyrics. I have to focus on the lyrics. I force all thoughts of Wonshik out of my mind and continue singing. 

 

It feels like an eternity before Whisper and Beautiful Night are fully recorded but when they are finally done we're given a five minute break. I head for the door to the recording room, as I walk I give Wonshik our sign. I can't check to make sure he's seen it so I keep walking, out of the booth, out of the room, and into the hall. I hesitate before walking down the hall, heading for the bathroom. A few seconds pass before I hear the door being me open and close.  My heart flutters in my chest, I hope it's Wonshik. 

 

I enter the bathroom and wait near the sink. Moments later the door opens and I turn to see Wonshik walk in. I can't help the smile that spreads across my face, I've been with him all day and yet I've missed him.  I walk over and hug him tightly. He wraps his arms around me and holds me close as I drink in his smell, his warmth. “I missed you.” He chuckles softly, placing a kiss on my forehead. 

 

“I missed you too, Taekitten.”  Was that a nickname? Wonshik just gave me a really cute nickname. I find myself blushing deeply at the nickname, burying my face into his chest. He doesn't let me hide though, he gently pulls me away and makes me look at him.  “I love you.”

 

“I love you too, Wonshik.” I cup his cheek with a hand, pulling him a little closer before leaning in and kissing him.  I want to be able to kiss him forever, to be wrapped up in his warm embrace for an eternity. I want to hear his soft yet deep voice tell me that he loves me over and over again. I want to spend everyday for the rest of my life doing nothing but cuddling with him and kissing him and eating with him. I want to go to the movies hold his hand or feed him popcorn. I want to make his favorite meals for him and pamper him when he's sick. 

 

I want to be able to love him openly without being judged.

 

I don't want to stop kissing him. I don't think he wants to stop kissing me either. I can feel his soft breath tickle my cheek, I let myself breathe too.  He pulls me closer, leaving no space between our bodies, the closeness makes me dizzy. I lose myself in the feeling of his lips against mine. I lose myself in the smell of his cologne and his soft breath on my cheek. I’m so lost that I don't notice when his lips part a bit, almost on an instinct I follow suit. I don't notice his tongue until it rubs against mine. 

 

I tilt my head and move my tongue around Ravi’s, somehow I feel closer to him. Our tongues seem twirl around each other as if dancing, there's no room for breathing anymore. We both get lost in our love for each other, our passion seeming to take over. That is until my mind just barely registers the sound of the door opening. 

 

I rush to pull away from Wonshik, panic settling in my stomach like a block of lead. In the span of just a few seconds Wonshik’s arms had dropped away from my body leaving a cold feeling in my chest, we both rushed to get away from the door and scrambled for a sink, washing our hands in an attempt to look natural. 

 

The moment I turned the water on our manager walked in and over to one of the urinals. I turn the water off and silently exit, Wonshik follows close behind, neither of us wanting to be in that awkward atmosphere. We go back to the recording room and record the rest of the album while doing our best to ignore each other.

 

~Ravi~

Is this what real love feels like? Is this the famed honeymoon phase? I haven't been able to think of anything other than Taekwoon; his smile, his hair, the smell of his shampoo, the sound of his voice, the feeling of his body held close to mine. I never want to leave him, I want to be able to cuddle with him everyday for the rest of my life. 

 

Sadly, Taekwoon and I are both adults with responsibilities that need to be taken care of. Not to mention that we'd probably cuddle all day long if we didn't need to eat or drink. I wish we could cuddle all day though. Since we can't go on dates we can at least cuddle right? But I'm greedy, I want more than cuddles. 

 

Taekwoon and I had come home from recording not too long ago, yet I couldn't stop thinking about what had happened in the bathroom- or what  _ almost _ happened in the bathroom. Where was that going? If left uninterrupted would we have been able to pull ourselves away? Would we have gone further? If so then how much further?  It's kind of scary to think about that. Yes, I love him, but it's too soon to go that far right now. 

 

If we're really in love, then we'll be able to wait.

 

Even so I can't ignore the feeling of completion felt when we made out, can't ignore my deep desire for more. The more I think about it the more I wanna go on dates, take our time with each other, take it slow. But we can't date, not unless someone else is with us. But it wouldn't be fair to force someone to be a third wheel just so I could go on a date. 

 

I almost wish we could come out of the closet already, but that'd do more harm than good right now. I sigh and go to take a shower, maybe that will help clear my mind.

 

The shower water is really warm, it's very calming. Hot showers are good for sore muscles but warm showers are very calming too. I can wash away all my worries like this. Maybe if I pretend all my worries and all my self doubts are the shower water they'll roll down my back and disappear down the drain. It doesn't exactly work that way, but it's close enough. 

 

I turn off the shower and step out, looking around for my towel. I don't see it. Where is it? Wait, didn't Hakyeon say something about laundry when I came in? I think back to when Leo and I came home earlier, that's when I remember what Hakyeon said. ‘Leo, Ravi, I did the laundry earlier so don't forget to grab a towel and washcloth when you go to shower!’ I sigh. I got a washcloth but I forgot to get a towel.

 

My room isn't that far, right? I can just rush over. We're all men anyway. We've seen each other shirtless before, we've seen each other in just boxers and briefs a few times. We've never seen each other naked. It can't be  _ that _ bad. girls change in front of each other all the time right? If they can be naked in front of each other and not mind then I can run to my room real quick while naked, right?

 

This is a bad idea.

 

Somehow it feels like the entire dorm will be watching as soon as I step outside. I take a deep breath, pushing all those thoughts aside. I take another deep breath before opening the door all the way, ready to run. Unfortunately there's a huge problem keeping me from running. Standing right in front of me, fist raised to knock on the door, is none other than Jung Taekwoon.

 

Please tell me this isn't real.

 

We both look at each other in shock, no one moves. I watch as his eyes fall, probably to avoid eye contact, but I'm naked. Time seems to slow down as his eyes sink to the floor, before his eyes can fall any lower I slam the door shut. My heart is beating so hard and fast I almost think I'm having a heart attack. I can't believe that just happened.

 

Please let me be dreaming. Better yet, let the earth swallow me up. I’ll never be able to look at Leo ever again. I'll die of embarrassment if I do. I sit on the cold bathroom floor and stare at the tub, waiting to wake up from this nightmare. 

 

I don't wake up, of course, this is reality. I hear a knock at the door but I don't move. I wait a small while before pulling the door open, this time, I find a towel waiting for me. A wave of relief washes over me, I quickly pull the towel into the bathroom and dry myself off with it. Once I'm fully dry I wrap the towel around my waist and rush straight to my room, closing the door and getting dressed. I lay in bed and sigh. 

 

Feels like a good time to nap.

 

I've already had lunch and dinner won't happen for a few more hours. I settle into bed and get ready to nap, when I get a text. I sigh and fish my phone out of my pocket, Too lazy to type in my password I press my thumb to the home button and let my thumbprint unlock it. I go into my text messages and look to see who texted me. It’s Leo, of course. Suddenly, I miss him again, why does this keep happening? I can see him whenever I want. 

 

‘Wonshik, can we cuddle?’ 

 

He's so cute, I can't help but smile at his text.

 

‘I was gonna nap, will you nap with me?’ 

 

He reads it, but doesn't respond. I put my phone down, waiting for another message alert, instead there's a soft knock at my door. 

 

“It's open.” I turn to watch the door as Leo walks in and over to the bed, crawling in with me. I wrap my arms around him, holding him close. He's smiling, a soft happy little smile. It makes my heart happy to see him like this. I place a soft kiss to his forehead and he snuggles into me.

 

“I love you, Taekitty.” He chuckles, so softly I can barely hear it, but I can feel it.

  
“I love you too, Shikkie.”  This has to be the best feeling in the world. If this is a dream, I hope I never wake up. I press a lazy kiss to his lips, earning a soft smile from him. I snuggle into my bed with Taekwoon still held close, close my eyes and drift off into a light nap.


	6. Day Nine

~Leo~

I woke up hungry today, so of course the first thing I think of is breakfast. But as I wake up more I realize a few weird things. The first one being that I didn't have dinner, the second being that it's really warm. Confused, I slowly open my eyes only to see Wonshik watching me, his expression full of awe. That's when I remember what happened yesterday; the shower, the text, the cuddling- the shower. My face turns deep red as I remember running into Ravi after his shower yesterday and my eyes dart down to make sure he's dressed.

 

We're both fully clothed. 

 

I relax, snuggling into him and closing my eyes again. Wonshik laughs and gently nudges me.  “Come on Taekitty, I'm hungry.”  I groan, ignoring him for the moment. I lay there, his fingers gently combing through my hair, until my stomach growls loudly.

 

“Shikkie, I'm hungry.” Wonshik laughs again, sitting up and pulling me up with him. I sigh, forcing myself out of bed. I head off to the bathroom to brush my teeth and hair then I head into the kitchen. The smell of food and fresh coffee brewing makes me happy. I walk over to the cabinets, pulling out my favorite mug then, heading over to the coffee pot. I fill the mug with coffee then add a little bit of sugar and my favorite hazelnut creamer. 

 

I take a seat at the table and place my cup of coffee down in front of me.  “Taekwoon, you're alive! You didn't come to dinner last night! You  _ never _ miss dinner! Are you okay? Are you sick?”  I roll my eyes at Ken, picking up my coffee and softly blowing on it. 

 

“Wonshik and I accidentally fell asleep. We were only supposed to nap.” Jaehwan grins at me, I ignore it and take a hesitant sip from my coffee. The coffee is still a little hot but it tastes amazing and makes me smile. I hear Wonshik say good morning to everyone as he comes to sit next to me.

 

“So Wonshik, I heard you kept Leo up all night long.”  I shoot Ken a glare, he snickers in response. Wonshik on the other hand is a bright red, clearly shocked.

 

“What? No I didn't! All we did was cuddle and fall asleep, nothing else happened.”  Jaehwan bursts into laughter at Wonshik’s  reaction, I smile softly. Wonshik’s really cute when he's flustered. I take another sip of my coffee.

 

“ _ DamnRa _ , calm down. You act like Leo's actually seen you naked.”  The memory of Wonshik, fresh out of the shower without a towel on, suddenly comes to mind and I almost choke on my coffee. I put the cup down on the table and try to think of literally anything other than the sight of Wonshik naked, still glistening from his shower, hair stuck together with water, little droplets of water clinging to his abs and-

 

No.

 

Think about literally anything but  _ that _ .

 

Kittens are actually really cute. “Last night I dreamt about kittens.” I blurt out, remembering the dream instead of Wonshik. I raise my cup back up to my lips and take a sip. “They were really soft and fluffy kittens, there were three of them. They kept licking my face.” I smile at the memory. I love animals, one day I'll get a house with Wonshik and fill it with animals. 

 

Jaehwan opens his mouth as if he's about to say something else but he's distracted instead by a plate of food. Breakfast is finally ready. All conversation slowly dies down as everyone starts to eat.

 

When breakfast is over Ravi and I head over to the set where Whisper will be shot. We accidentally got there early so while the director, cameramen and coordi-noonas set everything up I walked around in search of spots where Wonshik and I could cuddle or kiss. We're outside so there’s not really a lot of places to be alone.  That doesn't matter, I guess. We can always wait until we get home to cuddle. 

 

I overhear the manager telling the director that we'll try and get all of the outdoor shots today. I know it'll probably spill into tomorrow, but he's planned for us to shoot the warehouse scene tomorrow. Why a warehouse? I won't get an explanation until everyone is ready. I also hear him mention solo shoots and how they'll take longer since much of the MV shows us alone. Why are we alone so much? 

 

Wonshik and I still want to show duality. Instead of being two halves of the same person we decided we'd be complements of each other. Two opposing things that come together and complete each other. Like red and blue, hot and cold, passionate and calm, just like our personalities. We seem to be complete opposites, but we complete each other and we have more in common than you'd expect. Just like red and blue, two completely different colors, one seen as warm, the other seen as cool, yet they're both primary colors and when mixed they make so many beautiful shades of purple. 

 

Wonshik and I would make the prettiest shade of purple ever.

 

But even so, how can we show duality of we're separated? I head over to Wonshik and hug him. “There's no cuddle spots.” I tell him softly, pouting. He chuckles and I can feel the vibration of his chest against mine, it's a sweet feeling filled with nothing but love.

 

“We can still sneak kisses when no one's looking.”  I watch as he takes a quick look around before pressing his lips to mine. I smile and kiss back, cupping his cheek as I always do. We pull away all too soon, but we're both smiling and happy. That's all that matters. 

 

“Wonshik, Taekwoon, we're ready.” That's the voice of one of the coordi-noonas, I turn around but no one's there. Wonshik kisses my forehead before letting go of me.  “Don't worry, no one saw. Let's go start recording, okay?”   I nod, watching as he walks off. 

 

It hurts, having to hide how much I love him. I want everyone to know, I'm tired of only being able to love him behind closed doors. But I have to be patient. Promotions normally last for about a month, so no more than thirty days, right? We're a subunit too so maybe only twenty days? So once the album is released we'll only have to wait for roughly twenty days before we can tell the world. Putting it in numbers makes our confession day sound both too soon and too far. 

 

I sigh, pushing all those thoughts away and walk over to the coordi-noonas, who show Ravi and I where the stylists are. I sit in one of the chairs then mentally prepare for a very long day.

 

~Ravi~

As soon as we got back to the dorms I felt a pair of lips on mine, a hand cupping my cheek and a smile on my face. Taekwoon and I had kissed so much that I wasn't even surprised when he kissed me, I just melted into it. Taekwoon pulled away first, smiling at me. I leaned in and peppered his face with kisses, causing him to giggle softly. We didn't have any chances to sneak kisses while filming so we had to wait until now. “I love you Taekitty~” I cooed, watching that all too familiar light blush dust his cheeks.

 

“I love you too.. W-Wolfshik.”  I blink in surprise, feeling my cheeks heat up. 

 

“You gave me a pet name.” I smile at him as he blushes, hiding his face in my chest. “Oh, you're so cute. Don't hide your blush! It's cute, I wanna see.” Leo shakes his head ‘no’. I roll my eyes softly before gently stroking his hair.

 

“Let's go to the couch.” I don't give him a chance respond. Instead I scoop him up into my arms, holding him bridal style. Taekwoon squeaks in surprise at the sudden movement and wraps his arms around my neck to keep from falling. His face is so red, his blush has got to be the cutest thing in the whole world. I carry him over to the couch and sit down, making him sit in my lap. Though, he would have crawled into my lap anyway. 

 

Taekwoon repositions himself a bit so that he's more comfortable before leaning into me and nuzzling me.  “It’s too quiet.”  Leo murmurs softly. I take a moment to really listen to the dorm, and he's right. 

 

We're VIXX.

 

The dorm is never quiet. Even at night when we're asleep there's the sound of snoring. Where is everyone? It's not a special day, and they're schedules don't call for them all to be gone. What's going on? I put the thoughts out of my head for the moment and instead cuddle Taekwoon. “I'm sure they're okay.” I kiss him sweetly and he kisses back. His lips feel softer than earlier, is it because we kiss so much? Are his lips always this soft? 

 

Before I can question it anymore, the lights go off. I hear people rush around in the dark. Are we being robbed? Taekwoon slides off of my lap, moving to sit next to me. He's preparing for a fight, I sit up straighter in my seat. Behind me I hear the flick of a lighter. Whoever is behind me must have lit a candle because the room is now illuminated in soft orange light. I look behind me to see Jaehwan smiling at Taekwoon and I.. “Jaehwan what the fuck-”

 

“Welcome! You must be the couple that rented out this lovely restaurant. Come, let me show you to your table.”  As Ken talks he walks around to the front of the couch; he’s dressed to look like those people who stand outside of fancy restaurants and check for reservations. 

 

I watch as Taekwoon stands and with a small sigh I stand too. Jaehwan smiles and leads us to the kitchen. The table is dressed in this pretty red and blue cloth, there's a candle on the table, big enough to provide light for us to see pretty well. Napkins, forks and knives are already set up. There's only two chairs at the table.

 

“Here you are, your table. Someone will be right out with the menu, make yourselves comfortable.”  I try not to laugh at the ridiculous accent Ken is using as he speaks to us. I nod and take a seat at the table with Taekwoon. We're both more or less confused into silence. Most of the kitchen aside from the table is shrouded in darkness. Squinting through the darkness I can make out the faint outlines of the counter, the sink, the stove, a figure, the cabinets- a figure?

 

I look back towards the stove and squint through the darkness. The figure is Hongbin. He's standing by the stove as still as a statue, dressed in what I can only assume is meant to be a chefs outfit. That's when it dawns on me. I laugh. “Taekitty, this is our first date! They set us up on a date!” The realization makes me smile. I watch as Taekwoon smiles too.

 

“This restaurant did a really great job with the mood lighting.”  I chuckle softly.

 

“Yes, it's very romantic.” Not long after that Hyuk comes over and hands us each a menu.

 

“Good evening, my name is… Syeogi and welcome to Bips. I will be bringing you your drinks on this fine evening. If you'll look at the menu you'll see our wide selection of meals but I'd suggest the chef's speciality.”  The so called menu is just laminated notebook paper. There's meals on it though. We have a total of maybe ten different food choices, six drink choices and three dessert choices. The chef's speciality that Hyuk pointed out is bulgogi.

 

I'm pretty sure Hongbin can't cook bulgogi. 

 

As for the drinks we can choose from coke, sprite, water, coffee, tea, and soju.. Classical VIXX. “Taekitty, what do you want to drink?” Leo rolls his eyes and points to the coffee as if it’s the most obvious choice in the world. I turn to Hyuk. “I'll have one coffee, four spoons of sugar and a little bit of hazelnut creamer.” Out of the corner of my eye I see Taekwoon smile in approval. “And I'll have a cup of tea, three spoons of sugar.” 

 

Hyuk- or I guess Syeogi nods.  “I'll go prepare your drinks then, your waiter will be here soon.”  With that he walks into the darkness, though I can still faintly see him. He’s whispering something to Hongbin who nods and goes to make tea and coffee for us. Hyuk then leaves the kitchen and Leo and I are more or less left alone. 

 

I look through the menu again, paying more attention to the food choices this time. Aside from Bulgogi our choices are; Bibimbap, Kimchi, Japchae, Samgyeopsal, Samgyetang, Galbi, Yukgaejang, Hotteok and Mandu. 

 

Hongbin has never cooked any of these. Besides I don't even think we have the ingredients for most of these unless they went food shopping while we were out. 

 

“Kitty what do you want to eat?” 

 

“Maybe Mandu, or Bibimbap… you?”

 

“I'm gonna have the Japchae, hopefully Hongbin doesn't ruin it.” Leo stares at me, then stares into the darkness, trying to find Hongbin.

 

“Maybe we should just go with the speciality.”  Taekwoon and I laugh a bit at his statement. Hongbin isn't really the best cook, but maybe he'll surprise us.

 

“Shikkie, order for me? I want bibimbap.”  I smile. 

 

“Alright, I'll order for both of us.”  That's when Hakyeon shows up, candle in hand, dressed up like a waiter. 

 

“Good evening and welcome to Bips, my name is Chak-N and I will be your waiter for today. Today's speciality is Bulgogi. Are you two ready to order?”  I can't help but snort at the fake name Hakyeon gave himself. ‘Chak-N’ how silly. 

 

‘Yes, we're ready to order. We'll have one order of bibimbap and one order of japchae please.” 

 

“Oooh, great choices. Are you sure you don't want to try the speciality?”  Hongbin’s going to ruin our orders, isn't he? 

 

“Yes, I'm sure.” Hakyeon nods, uncertainty is poorly hidden on his face. 

 

“Alright then! I'll let the chef know.”  He gives us a huge smile, turns, blows out his candle, and disappears into the darkness of the kitchen.

 

“You know, this is actually really nice. It really feels like we're on a date.”  The happiness is clear in Taekwoon’s voice, it makes me feel all warm inside. 

 

“I think so too. I'm glad to be on this date with you.” I didn't notice earlier for some reason but I can actually smell our food and drinks being prepared. It all smells delicious, and I'm suddenly very hungry. 

 

“I’m kinda thirsty.” As soon as those words leave my mouth, Hyuk walks up to the table and places our drinks down.

 

“Sorry for the delay sir, here are your drinks.”  When did he come back to the kitchen? most of his outfit is black so I wouldn't have seen him anyway but it's still surprising. 

 

“Thank you, Syeogi.” Hyuk gives a fake smile before bowing and walking away. Across from me Taekwoon takes a small sip from his coffee, smiling into his cup. I love his smiles so much, but his smiles are even better when they're directed at me. 

 

“Is it good?” He just silently takes another sip before giving me a big smile. I chuckle and sigh softly with affection. “I love you so much….”

 

“I love you too Wolfshikkie. I love you more than words can express.”  He gives me a warm smile and it feels like my heart has melted. If I could take that smile and tattoo it into my memory, I would. I sip at my tea as I feel a smile burn its way onto my face.

 

“You know…. since it's our first date, why don't we take a few pictures together?” He nods, taking another sip from his coffee before walking over and placing himself in my lap. We both smile as I take the picture. Though that one picture lead to several more pictures of increasing dorkiness. One of the pictures we took even involves us sticking out our tongues at each other. 

 

Taekwoon had just gotten back into his chair when Hakyeon walks over with our plates of food. I hadn't even noticed that it was done cooking. 

 

“Here are your orders sirs, please enjoy.”  He places the plates on the table, bows, and disappears before we can even thank him. Hongbin actually made japchae and bibimbap, and in this low light it actually seems edible.

 

“Shikkie, how did he cook this?”  That's a good question. It's a great question. I didn't see him turn on a light, but then again Taekwoon  _ is  _ very distracting. Maybe he used a small light source so we didn't notice, like his phone flashlight or a lighter. 

 

“It's probably take out.” I take a bite of my japchae, expecting to taste the usual taste of takeout.

 

“No, he cooked this- it's actually kind of better than takeout.” Leo doesn't believe me and eats some of his own food only to give me a look of surprise.

 

“Wonshik this tastes good-”  I can't help but laugh at the awe in his voice. He's so cute.

 

“I know! I can't believe it, Hongbin can actually cook.” I chuckle softly. This date is honestly perfect. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else with anyone else right now.

 

Taekwoon smiles at me then takes a spoonful of his food and offers it to me. The gesture makes me blush lightly but still I lean forward and eat the food offered to me. It really is delicious, I smile as I eat it. 

 

“That's delicious, but try this.” Not wanting to make a mess with the chopsticks I offer him a forkful of my food. He happily leans forward and eats the noodles off of the fork, a small smile on his face as he chews and swallows it.

 

“It's good, I like it.”  He looks so happy, so at peace. I feel the same. I don't think I've ever been as happy as I am right now. 

 

The two of us sit and eat in comfortable, happy, silence, only ever stopping to take a sip from our drinks. When all the food is gone I sigh, I don't want this date to end.

 

“Shikkie can we get dessert?”  Of course, the perfect date can't end without dessert, so we have to stay here longer.

 

“Of course we can get dessert. What do you want? We'll share it.” He picks up the menu and looks at the desserts offered. Though, as soon as he reads the desserts menu, he starts laughing. 

 

“What happened? What's so funny?” I have to wait for Taekwoon to stop laughing so much before he replies. 

 

“Th-they offer Ojingeo-ppang as one of the desserts!!”  I'm still confused until I remember Big Byung and they're hit song ‘Ojingeo Doenjang’ and instantly burst into laughter. 

 

“No way!! I don't believe it, they don't really have Ojingeo ppang!” The two of us laugh a while longer before going back to deciding on a dessert.

 

“I want Yugwa.”  Taekwoon tells me., putting the menu down and reaching over to grab one of my hands. His hand is warm and soft, I intertwine my fingers with his and gently squeeze, he squeezes back. Our eyes meet and lock onto each other, I allow myself to get lost in his gaze.

 

Hakyeon, who's probably been watching us from the shadows, walks up to us and asks if we'd like to have dessert. Without breaking eye contact with Taekwoon I tell Hakyeon that we would like to have Yugwa for dessert, he takes note of our order then disappears into the darkness.

 

“I've had such a great time tonight Wolfshikkie, I don't want this moment to end… can we make it last forever? Please?”  I sigh softly, bringing his hand up and kissing it.

 

“I wish I could make this last forever, Taekitty, but I can't. I'm sorry. We'll have to go back to the real world after this.” We’ll have to go back to pretending we're not in love after this, but I don't mention that, we both already know it. I watch as his eyes get glossy, tears silently welling up in them.

 

“Please don't cry Taekwoonnie. It's not that bad, it's only temporary, okay? When promotions are over we'll tell everyone and then we won't have to hide anymore, okay?” He nods, sniffling a bit. He uses his free hand to rub his eyes and honestly, it breaks my heart. This is killing him, it's killing me too. It's not fair that just because we're not straight we can't be in love. What makes our love any different from straight love? 

 

I move my chair so that I'm sitting right next to Taekwoon and pull him into a big hug. He hugs me back tightly and exhales shakily. I rub his back and kiss his forehead, trying to get him to calm down. “I love you Taekitty. I love you with all of my heart, please remember that.”

 

Leo nods into my chest before slowly lifting his head and kissing me. It's a soft kiss, but then again his lips are always soft. As always his hand cups my cheek and my arms hold him in place. We kiss for what feels like an eternity before pulling away. I can tell Leo feels better now, he's smiling again and his eyes don't look glossy anymore. 

 

Even though he's feeling better, I stay right next to him, my arm around his waist and his head on my shoulder. There's a reason I call him Taekitten or Taekitty, it's because he's always so eager to be cuddled and have his hair stroked, just like a kitten. The way he gently nuzzles into me reminds me of a kitten too, I'm honestly surprised he doesn't purr when I play in his hair. 

 

Since we're sitting so close to each other, and the house is so quiet, Taekwoon and I decide to whisper to each other. There's something about whispering that makes the words said feel extra special, especially when ‘I love you’ is whispered, it makes it feel like those words are really meant for you and only you, no one else. And so we sat there, whispering countless ‘I love you’s and other sweet phrases like ‘you mean the world to me’ and ‘I wouldn't want to be with anyone else’. 

 

It’s the greatest feeling in the world, being in love like this. It feels like nothing else matters but the two of us and our love. Love is such a warm and happy feeling, and right now, Taekwoon and I, we're burning up. 

 

It's not long before Hakyeon appears with our dessert, silently placing it on the table then disappearing once more. I pick up a piece of Yugwa and hold it out for Taekwoon to eat, he lazily leans forward and puts it in his mouth. he doesn't eat it though, he just holds it there. Confused, I let go, but he still only holds it in his mouth. I slowly lean in and bite the other end, he finally starts eating it.

 

The Yugwa isn't really long, it's about as long as pepero but it’s alot thicker. The two of us nibble on either end of the Yugwa, taking our time to chew and swallow it. Eventually our lips meet and, as expected, we kiss. We pull away and repeat this process with the rest of the Yugwa until it's all gone.

 

Full, the two of us lazily cuddle. Leo has somehow wound up in my lap, again, though I don't mind. The date was finally coming to an end, we both knew this, neither of us wanted to admit it. We sat like that for a while before Hakyeon walked over once more.  “Here's the bill.”

 

...What bill?

 

None of the items on the menu had prices, I wasn't planning on paying. But now that I think about it, this is kind of a problem.

 

Who's supposed to pay in this situation? With straight people the man pays, but we're both men. Do I pay? Does he pay? Do we split i?. We're on a date in our own dorm too so we can't say ‘you invited me on this date, you pay’ either.

 

What do we do?

 

Fuck it I'll pay.

 

I sit up straight in my seat and grab the bill, opening it to see the price. As I look over the price Taekwoon peeks over my shoulder to see the price too.

 

There is no price.

 

The bill was Hyuk’s idea wasn't it? 

 

I roll my eyes at the blank bill “I'll pay.” I say aloud, reaching into my pocket to pull out nothing.

 

“Let me help.”  Leo sits up and pulls out, what I can only assume, is half of the nothing we owe. We both sit and count out the money we're not holding and put it into the bill sleeve, along with a tip. Hakyeon smiles, thanks us and leaves with the bill.

 

We have to leave the kitchen now. The date’s over, there's nothing more to do or say. The two of us reluctantly get up from our seats. Neither of us really know what to do from here. Hug? Kiss?

 

“I really had a great time tonight, Wonshik.”  Leo decides for both of us, closing the small gap between our bodies and kissing me. I sigh happily and kiss him back. It feels like the kiss ends all too soon, just like this date.

 

“I had a great time too. I hope we can do it again someday.” I take Leo's hand and kiss it before walking out of the kitchen with him. 


	7. Day Nine

~Leo~

Last night was probably the best night of my life so far this year. Going on that date with Wonshik was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I've been on dates before yes, but I never felt so in love on a date before, never been that happy to simply share a meal with someone before. 

 

I couldn't stop smiling during breakfast. Wonshik couldn't either. We were both still thinking about last night, our dinner and afterwards a movie too. I fell asleep halfway through the movie but it's not my fault Wonshik was holding me close to his chest and cuddling me, he knows it makes me sleepy when he does that.

 

The other members of VIXX have been acting like their usual selves, almost as if nothing had happened, which was fine. It makes last night feel like a secret night, a night they only existed because Wonshik and I wanted it to exist. 

 

I'm almost done eating when Hyuk grabs my attention.  “Leo hyung, Ravi hyung… I want to apologize… I was really mean when I first found out you two were dating but… after last night I realize that I was way too harsh. You really do love each other, and you make each other happy, so I accept you. You guys have my full support.”

 

This morning just got better. I can feel the smile on my face grow wider as I turn my attention to Hyuk. Helping our date last night must have helped Hyuk to realize that there's nothing wrong with two guys being in love. “Thank you Hyuk, that really means a lot.”

 

Next to me I can see Ravi smiling too this must mean even more to him, even he didn't accept himself until recently.  “Thank you Hyuk, I'm glad to know that you fully support us now.”  Ravi tells Hyuk, his voice soft and sincere. 

 

Hyuk smiles in response, sighing softly.  “Let me know if anyone gives you two any trouble, I'll beat them up.”  Hyuk offers, we all laugh lightly at his joke. Well, it's probably not actually a joke, but we still laugh. 

 

After breakfast, Wonshik and I head to filming set again. We're still recording the outdoor scenes, apparently they couldn't use any of the footage because the files were corrupted. That's okay though, the director thought up some new things we could do.

 

We wasted no time getting dressed for the shoot, time had to be managed very carefully because the director wants the sun to be high in the sky for the shot. We both get dressed in our outfits for the shoot before heading back to the set, sneaking a kiss or two while in the dressing room.

 

After we get dressed we’re instructed to stand facing each other and just stare. It's a weird request and I'm not sure why we have to do this but I get into position anyway. Standing just a few inches in front of me is Wonshik.

 

We stare into each other's eyes as we wait for further instruction from the director. It's actually really hard not to lose myself in Wonshik’s eyes, I know that if I get lost in them I'll probably wind up kissing him. I can't kiss him here, not in front of our manager, I can't risk it. 

 

Wonshik on the other hand is already a lost cause. I notice him start to lean in slowly. I can't let him kiss me, but I can't make it obvious that he tried to kiss me either, so what do I do? 

 

I laugh. 

 

The moment I start laughing Wonshik snaps out of his stupor and he starts laughing too, probably laughing out of embarrassment but still, it's a laugh. As we laugh we step away from each other, quickly dissolving the tension of the kiss that almost happened. 

 

‘Hey! What's going on? You two can't stay still?’ The director asks us, sounding more amused than angry. “Sorry, sorry. We can try again.” The director nods and makes us stand together again, though this time he has us on a box and the two of us are sharing a pair of red and blue headphones.

 

Why are we on a box? Aren't we tall enough? Doesn't matter.

 

Wonshik and I stand on the box and silently stare at each other. We can't look at each other's eyes, we might start laughing again and the box we're standing on is just tall enough that if we fall off of it and land the wrong way, we might get hurt. Instead I stare at his nose, though I can feel his eyes trying to make contact with mine.

 

Luckily, we get through the shot without any problems and move to the next shot. 

 

We're lead to this nearby warehouse like place? That's not exactly what it is but it's the best way I can explain it. The whole place is bathed in red light with one big room being lit up with red and blue light. We come to a stop in this wide hallway, wide enough to fit a car in. 

 

It's a simple scene to film, all I have to do is grab Wonshik’s wrist as he ‘walks away’ and pull him back a bit. I kneel down as instructed and Wonshik stands about a foot in front of me, posed as if he's walking away.

 

The music is our cue, when it starts so do we. I reach out and grab Wonshik’s wrist at the fourth ‘snap’ in the music, we hold our position like that for about 11 seconds at that point Wonshik takes a step forward, I pull him back and down to eye level. We're instructed to stay like that for a few seconds before moving. 

 

That's all, easy. 

 

We have to do it two more times.

 

We go ahead and do the same thing, again, outside near these huge concrete cylinders. When we're done with that shooting we move to shoot the same thing but in front of a line of trees. After filming the arm grabbing shot for the third time I’m given the red and blue headphones from earlier. I put the red side into my ear as instructed and hold the other side in my hand.

 

The instructions for this shoot are very strange. I'm told to ‘stare into Ravi’s eyes intensely like you did for the last shooting and raise your left hand to his ear, put the earbud in, then let your hand fall away.’

 

Does the director know that we're dating? Is this his way of teasing us? 

 

I take a deep breath and release it in the form of a loud sigh. Wonshik and I have been really close this shooting session, I'm really starting to become distracted by him. The smell of his cologne, the way the stylists did his hair, that red jersey that barely covers him, the ripped black pants, the way that red makeup looks way too good on him.

 

I can't take it. It's driving me crazy. I want to kiss him so badly, this isn't fair. even the shoot makes it feel like i'm pulling him down for a kiss. There's roughly a foot of space between his lips and mine. 

 

Please.

 

I want to close that gap. I want to kiss him. I need to kiss him. The longer we're out here doing things like this with this much intensity the more I want to kiss him. This isn't fair, I hate this. Why can't we just show our love for each other? Why is it so bad for us to be in love? 

 

I sigh again, softer. Stay calm Taekwoon. If you get too worked up you'll cry. If you get worked up you might kiss him, even though his lips look extra soft, and pink, and kissable, you can't kiss him. 

 

Because that one kiss, no matter how sweet it is, could ruin both of our careers.

 

~Ravi~

I  can tell just by looking at Leo that he's at the end of his rope. The sighs that keep escaping his lips are a good indicator too though. I can't blame him. This shooting is way too close for comfort. I haven't wanted to kiss Taekwoon this badly since the break down I had before we started dating. 

 

Being this close to him, unable to hold him and nuzzle him, is driving me crazy. He smells so good today too, he smells good everyday, and those intense looks he keeps giving me are killing me. If looks could actually kill, I would have been killed a long time ago. How can someone even look so intense, soft, sexy and cute all at the same time? 

 

If I don't kiss him soon I might actually lose my mind.

 

We get into place for this stupid headphone shoot, Leo's hand is wrapped around my wrist once more as we wait for the music cue. His hand is so warm, if he were to slide his hand down a little further, we'd be holding hands. 

 

No, I can't think things like that. I'll try and pretend like it's someone I hate who's holding onto me, at least then I won't want to kiss him. But I don't really hate anyone, and kneeling in front of me right now is the person I love more than anyone else in this world. 

 

The music starts up, we have to wait a few seconds before anyone starts moving. My only task is to stare at Leo, I try to look anywhere but his eyes. Out of the corner of my eye I see Leo's hand move towards my ear, don't focus on the hand, Ravi. I focus my eyes on his face, and accidentally lock eyes with him just as he puts the earbud in my ear.

 

I think Taekwoon and I had both reached our limits. I didn't even have time to remind myself that we're being watched before the world seemed to fall away. It's just me and Leo, seemingly floating in space, nothing else. A part of me knows that this is an very dangerous place for the two of us to be right now, but that part of me is being drowned out by my desire to kiss the man in front of me.

 

For some reason it feels like a life or death situation, my heart is pounding in my ears, I feel light headed, I can't even breathe. In a way this is a life or death situation, if I kiss him, it's game over. I want to choose life, I want to make the choice that will let us finish shooting the MV without jeopardizing our career. But my heart wants so badly to choose death, to choose the man that I love over the job that I love. 

 

Taekwoon must be experiencing the same dilemma, his hand slides down to cup my cheek as if he's already made his choice. Will he kiss me? Will I kiss him? It feels like an eternity is spent in that space-like limbo, I'm sure only a few seconds have passed in real time. I have to chose, we both have to chose.

 

Is this one kiss worth losing everything we've worked so hard to obtain?

 

Yes. It is. 

 

Focusing on Leo’s teary brown eyes once more, I think we've both reached the same conclusion.

 

We both lean in, quickly closing that gap in between us and kiss. The moment we kiss it feels like a huge weight is lifted off of my shoulders, all my worries disappear for those few seconds.  It's an intense, passionate, dizzying kiss that lasts for an eternity and for a few seconds all at the same time.

 

I don't want to pull away, I know that as soon as I pull away everything will come crashing down around me.

 

We both pull away and I slowly open my eyes, I hadn't even realized I closed them. The two of us sit there, frozen. The music had been cut off too, the silence is almost deafening. 

 

‘That kiss wasn't in the instructions.’ The director comments, his voice is flat so I can't tell if he's mad or not. I glance over at him and even his face is blank. Some of the nearby coordi-noonas are smiling, the others are trying their best to look unfazed. So far so good, I guess. The world hasn't imploded yet. 

 

Next I look over to our manager. He seems worried, worried for us? Worried for himself? If he's worried for us does that mean he supports us? I hope so.

 

Taekwoon and I can barely even look at each other after that, yet somehow we manage to film the earbud shot without any more incidents and afterwards we start learning the dance that will be featured in the MV. 

 

The ride back home after the shooting feels longer than it actually is. The two of us silently sit in the car, Leo’s eyes focused out of the window and mine on the road.. We arrive at the dorm and both head off to our rooms.

 

It's quiet for a few moments, not dead quiet but quiet, for VIXX. Jaehwan isn't screaming at the top of his lungs, at least. I close my eyes in the silence and start to slip into a nap when there's a knock on my door.

 

I sigh softly “It's open.” I sit up in bed as the door opens, revealing Hakyeon. 

 

“Are you okay? The manager just called, he told me that you and Taekwoonnie kissed.”  I sigh loudly.

 

“I…. did he say anything else? Is he gonna tell the company? Are we gonna be fired?” I can feel myself tear up as all my worries spill out of my mouth in those three questions. There's more, of course. The list of worried could go on forever, but those three are the most concerning.

 

“What? Wonshik no, not at all. everything's okay, don't worry.”  Hakyeon strides over and pulls me into a hug, I hug back, leaning into him.

 

“He told me about what happened, he told me that he and a few of the coordi-noonas send their support. He told me that the director is kind of uncomfortable knowing about this, but he said he won't let his personal opinions interfere with work. They've agreed to keep what happened there a secret, they won't tell anyone.” 

 

I can't believe it. They're really keeping it secret for us? The manager supports us? He must have convinced the others to stay quiet for us. I can't even begin to express how relieved I feel. It's so much easier to breathe knowing I have the support of our manager.

 

“Wonshik, there's alot of supporters out there, you know. I'm sure you've convinced yourself that the whole world is against you being bisexual, but that's not true at all. There's a lot of supporters out there, some bolder than others, but they exist and they want you to be happy.” 

 

I listen to Hakyeon speak while still leaning into him. He always knows just what to say and his hugs always have a strange soothing effect, just like my mom’s hugs. “Thank you, hyung, I'll keep that in mind.” I tell him, sighing softly and pulling away from him.

 

“Did you tell Leo already?” Hakyeon shakes his head no.

 

“Taekwoonnie isn't as strong as he tries to be, I know he must be really upset over this so I decided to let you tell him.”  I nod and stand up.

 

“Okay, I'll go tell him right now.” I leave my room and head over to Leo’s, gently knocking on the door when I get there. “Taekitten?” I call out. There's no answer, is he okay?

 

I'm about to knock again when the door is suddenly thrown open. In the span of only a few seconds I'm pulled into the room, the door gets slammed shut, locked, and I get hugged tightly. “Taekitty? Are you okay?” 

 

I can't even see Leo’s face, he doesn't answer me either, just nuzzles into my shoulder.  “Did they call yet..?”  Taekwoon speaks so softly I almost don't hear his question.

 

I nod and pull him away a bit to kiss his forehead. “Yeah they called. Our manager supports us, he said he'll make sure it stays a secret. There's no need to worry, okay?” He sighs shakily and nods, instantly relaxing into my arms.

 

“Wolfshikkie, I love you so much.”  He leans in and presses a kiss to my cheek, nuzzling me once more.

 

“I love you too Taekitty. I love you more than words can even begin to describe.” I kiss him, a long sweet kiss that leaves us both dizzy when we pull away. He smiles at me, it's such a cute smile that my heart skips a beat. I love him so much, I've never loved someone as much as I love Taekwoon.

  
“Nap with me?”  He asks softly, I smile and scoop him up bridal style, carrying him over to the bed and laying down with him. The two of us cuddle close, snuggle into the blanket and slowly fall asleep together.


	8. Day Thirty-Five

~Leo~

After about a month of promotions, the day is finally here, our last stage.  

 

Last week we told the rest of VIXX our plans for this day, they promised they'd do their best to help in any way they could. Hakyeon and Hyuk were backstage with Wonshik and I, while Ken and Hongbin were in the crowd disguised as fans. We also had a few guards on site in case things got too out of hand, we couldn't risk getting hurt.

 

We had three different scenarios for what could possibly happen.

 

Scenario A suggests that after the kiss and confession, the fans show their support and very few people are actually bothered by the fact that Wonshik is my boyfriend. It's highly unlikely but still I really hope that it actually happens.

 

Scenario B is more realistic. After the kiss and confession half the fans show their support but the other half is against it to some degree. The half against it would likely start booing or something like that. If they get loud enough or rude enough either Ken or Hongbin will alert Hakyeon and Hyuk. That's when they'd come out and help quiet the audience so we could talk to them and maybe explain what it's like to be in our positions. Make them understand that we shouldn't have to hide our love just because we're not straight.

 

Then there's scenario C, worst case scenario. Just thinking about this one makes me sad. In this scenario, very few people support us, the rest of the audience is against it, things get so out of hand the guards have to restrain a few people. Our Starlights are really nice and loving though, so I don't think they'll riot but I have to be ready for anything.

 

I hear one of the coordi-noonas say that the crowd has been seated. We have five minutes now. I’m really nervous, I don't want to do this anymore, I don't want to face them. I don't think I can handle so many upset people.

 

Someone wraps their arms around my waist and pulls me close to their chest. I turn around in their arms only to see Wonshik smiling at me and I relax.

 

I’m not alone in this, Wonshik will be right by my side, VIXX is here to support me too.  Even if everyone in the audience is against me, the people I care about most support me, and that's all that really matters.

 

I smile back at Wonshik, cupping his cheek with my hand before leaning in to kiss him. As I kiss him, I'm reminded of why we're doing this.

 

We're doing this for the sake of our love. Simple as that. We're doing this so we can go on real dates at real restaurants, so we can kiss whenever and wherever we want, so we can be in love publicly instead of hiding behind closed doors.

 

Knowing this makes me less nervous. Even if everything goes wrong, they'll know. Even if they don't approve, we can still be in love, it won't be a secret anymore.

 

It's a huge closet we're about to walk out of, but I'm more than ready.

 

“Wolfshikkie, I love you.” I softly whisper against his lips, I can feel him smile.

 

“I love you too Taekitty. Let’s go show the world our love.” I chuckle softly then nod. Taking another deep breath Wonshik and I head onto the stage. Hakyeon silently wishes us good luck before we get on stage, I silently thank him, and then it's show time.

 

There's no backup dancers this time, I'm sure the fans notice it, it doesn't really matter though, we're the main event.

 

I start singing the first line of whisper and seconds later the music starts up too. I don't notice it right away since Wonshik and I are together for the first part, but the stage feels a lot emptier. The backup dancers aren't here to distract the fans when I move to the back of the stage, it's just Ravi dancing now. It feels awkward to just stand, waiting for my cue, as the only other person on stage is dancing.

 

The first lyric change is in Ravi’s verse, instead of ‘chaja girl’ it's ‘chaja boy’. I don't see many reactions as I walk into place for the bridge of the song, maybe they didn't notice?

 

I sing my lines as the bridge starts up. ‘It's alright’ is part of the fanchant but it feels like the fans are speaking to me personally when they say it. It's as if they're unknowingly reassuring me.

 

“You know what I want? Joshimseurobge jigeum…” Here we go, this time the lyric change will be more obvious. “Salmyeoshi whisper to me boy… whisper to me.” It feels like they cheer louder than usual, is it just my imagination?

 

For the next part of the dance instead of having Wonshik dance next to me and a little behind me, we face each other, making eye contact as I sing. “I neukkim neon nal guchejeoguro flexin’ ” The fans seem to go crazy at that, I hope they've caught on by now.

 

We go back to our normal dance positions for the next line. “Eunmilhae boineun _sign_.” I glance at the audience for a moment, it's hard to see their reactions with all the lights and dancing in the way. They all seem happy, it's a concert after all, I don't know what I expected.

 

Soon it's time for the next rap verse. I move off to the side once more as Ravi raps, watching to see what he does. The objective is to make it obvious that this isn't just fanservice, I'm not sure they know yet.

 

Wonshik stops dancing when he gets to the ‘love you’ part of his rap, instead he focuses all of his attention on me. “Really love you, Leo.” I can see Wonshik smirk from here.

 

That was indeed obvious, but unplanned too. That last ‘love you’ is part of the fanchant though half the fans stopped reciting the chant to scream.

 

If they didn’t know before they know now. I can't help but smile at him before we move into the next dance move. The performance continues normally, though I notice that when we get to the second bridge the fans say ‘It’s alright’ louder than they had earlier. I know for sure this time that they wanted to reassure us. I can even hear a few fans sing ‘whisper to me boy’ when we reach the second chorus.

 

We repeat the same altered dance moves from the first chorus then go back to the normal dance routine.

 

We have another surprise in mind for our fans. Around the last minute of the song, we stand on opposite sides of the stage, as usual. As Ravi raps his parts in the final bridge, we walk towards each other and meet in the middle of the stage. When I sing  the line ‘kkeutkkaji naragage hae~’ instead of the normal dance routine we switch to the dance break from the MV.

 

The fans went wild at that point, it made me smile. We finished Whisper then the lights dimmed so we could get into position for Feeling.

 

We had our backup dancers for feeling since we weren't doing any major changes in the choreography. The only difference was that for the ‘falling in love’ verses I faced Ravi instead of the crowd and for the ‘I wanna be with you’ part of Ravi’s rap I was upstage so he could actually point at me.

 

I actually get more and more nervous the closer we get to the last verse of the song. The last verse is when we kiss, right here, on stage, in front of all these fans and cameras.

 

Wonshik and I are really close for this last part, we can't hesitate so we're as close as we comfortably can be so we can kiss as soon as possible.

 

“Oh, in love. Falling in love~. In love. I fall in love~.” Once the last lyric is sung, I clear my mind and lean in to kiss Wonshik on the cheek, as planned, but that's not what happens.

 

What happened is Wonshik turned his head too far and my lips met his. I couldn't pull away because that'd make it look like fan service gone wrong so instead I just closed my eyes, cupped his cheek, kissed him, and hoped for the best.

 

I don't think I've ever heard the fans scream that loudly. They're screams roared in my ears for the duration of the whole kiss and only died down when Wonshik and I pulled away.

 

I can't look at them right now, it's too embarrassing. I hide my face in Wonshik’s shoulder, a deep red blush burning into my face as I fully process what just happened. Wonshik wraps his arms around my waist, holding me close, I feel him kiss my forehead.

 

“I love you, Taekitty.”

 

“I-I love you too Wolfshikkie.” The fans must have heard that because they erupt into a chorus of ‘awwwws’ and cheers. This is terrifying, but in a good way, if that makes sense.

 

I can hear the fans chanting something, I can't hear it that well. I slowly pull away from Wonshik and focus my attention on the fans.

 

What I see makes me want to cry.

 

There's a sea of blue lights as the fans hold their lightsticks up high. I know what they're chanting now, I can hear it clearly now.

 

‘WooonTaaaeeek~ WooonTaaaeeek~’ They murged our names, is that our ship name? It's cute.

 

We have to tell them we're dating now, verbally. Shakily I bring my mic up to my mouth, the crowd slowly grows silent.

 

“Starlights… You've probably guessed by now but.” I pause to take a deep breath. I haven't been this shaky on stage in years. “Wonshik and I are… we're dating.” The crowd erupts into cheers again and I cover my mouth as I smile.

 

I feel a tear roll down my cheek and wipe it away, taking another deep breath. I glance over at Wonshik, he's crying too, I watch as he wipes away a few tears before giving up and just covering his eyes with his hand. I reach out and take his free hand, intertwining my fingers with his.

 

“W-wonshik and I have been dating for about a month and- and we're really really grateful to see so much support from our fans. Starlights have always felt like family to us so… so it makes us really happy to see and receive this much support. I sincerely hope that you will continue to love and support us from here on out, even though we're not straight.”

 

The fans don't seem to care at all. They erupt into another wave of cheers when I finish talking. I hand the microphone off to Wonshik and wipe the tears away from my face. I feel so happy, I can't stop crying. Wonshik takes a few deep breaths to try and compose himself before speaking.

 

“First of all, starlight, I'd like to thank you. Having your support means the world to me. I've actually… I've known that I'm bisexual for a really long time but because of an incident that happened when I was younger I convinced myself that it was bad for me to be bisexual so, I told myself that I was straight and for the longest time I did my best not to be attracted to any other men.” Wonshik pauses for a moment, I gently squeeze his hand to remind him that I'm here with him. He squeezes back, takes a deep breath, and keeps talking.

 

“That was before I debuted with VIXX and slowly I started realizing that I had a crush on Leo. When LR first debuted, all that time spent with Leo working on beautiful liar, it made me really happy and once that ended… I started to hate myself. The thought of being bisexual scared me so much… and- and the crush I had on Leo just wouldn't go away. It was the worst feeling ever, I'd support others if they were gay or bi but when it came to myself, I couldn't do the same.”

 

I turn and hug Wonshik tightly, I know this must be so hard for him to talk about. He hugs back, taking a few moments to calm himself down again.

 

‘Sa-rang-hae! Sa-rang-hae!’ I can hear the fans chanting, I can't help but smile. We really do have the best fandom. Wonshik slowly lets go of me, holding my hand once more as he speaks and the chants die down.

 

“It wasn't until we started preparing for Whisper that I finally stopped hating myself. I told my hyungs- my family, one by one and each of them helped me learn to accept myself. I think N hyung helped the most, he was the first one I came out to. He's the one that told me how hating myself wasn't healthy and that being bisexual is just a part of me, and that I should embrace it, I don't need to get ‘fixed’ for it.. It was really hard at first, actually accepting myself. I think for the first few days I was just faking confidence until I could be confident for real. I don't think I would have gotten this far without N hyung. The others played a big part in helping me too.”

 

“Not all of it went smoothly, some members were upset at first but soon came around. I know that I shouldn't let this moment right now trick me, there's gonna be someone out there who's against it but so long as we, Leo and I, both have love and support, we'll get through it.” The crowd claps and Wonshik and I take a bow.

 

That was horrifying and beautiful all at the same time. We hug each other one last time before heading off stage, shouts of ‘saranghae’ can be heard as we leave.

 

“I'm so proud of you two!!!” The moment we get back stage Hakyeon pulls Wonshik and I into a big hug. I hug back the best I can, his hug has a strange soothing effect on me. “You really did it, you guys did very well. Those were very emotional speeches, I'm sure they won't forget what you said today.” I nod as Hakyeon let's go of us.

 

“We're still going to do a formal interview with Soompi to give more details on everything. But for now this is a very good start.” Hakyeon nods in agreement.

 

This may have went well but I can't let my guard down yet. Surely sites like Allkpop will find a few hate comments and blow them out of proportion like they always do or try to start up baseless controversies. I'm ready for it though. I think by now Wonshik and I both have the confidence needed to deal with whatever drama comes our way.

 

We meet up with Ken and Hongbin once the crowd has left the building, then the six of us head home. It's already really late. We order some food on our way home so that it'll arrive shortly after we get home, no one wants to cook.

 

We've agreed not to check social media until tomorrow, tonight is a night of celebration. The pizza we ordered arrives about five minutes after we get back to our dorm. It's always surprising to see a huge stack of pizzas show up at our door, but the six of us always manage to eat it all.

 

With the pizza here and the six of us in our pajamas, Hakyeon brings out the soju and even some champagne. The champagne is only ever brought out for special occasions and even then we're not allowed to have too much of it, so we're all pretty surprised when Hakyeon brings two bottles instead of just one.

 

The special glasses are brought out too, all this just because Wonshik and I came out today?

 

Hakyeon joins all of us on the floor and hands out the glasses which are all currently empty. The six of us are seated in a circle around one of the Pizza boxes.

 

“Tonight, we're gathered here to celebrate Taekwoon and Wonshik’s- no, _WonTaek’s_ ‘coming out stage’!” The rest of us clap and Ken, of course, cheers loudly. “Due to how special this event is and the bravery shown by WonTaek, this celebration has earned two bottles of champagne.” I silently clap as the others cheer, Hakyeon rolls his eyes.

 

“But! I'm in charge of pouring it and none of you are allowed more than 3 cups.” With that being said Hakyeon opens one of the bottles and fills everyone's glass.

 

With our glasses filled, it's time for a toast. Wonshik is the one to propose the toast. “I'd like to toast to the undying love and support of my VIXX family as well as the overwhelming love and support from our starlights. Cheers!”

 

‘Cheers!’ we all repeat, clinking our glasses together before drinking some of the champagne. With that out of the way we all dig into the pizza. It's not long before we're eating, talking and laughing with each other. At some point Jaehwan starts blasting music and the six of us sing along, off key and just a little drunk.

 

We plow through three and a half boxes of pizza and both bottles of champagne before Hakyeon starts making us drink some water. Though, we still have soju and no one really ready to sober up yet, we still listen to Hakyeon and drink at least one cup of water before continuing.

 

At some part we started playing truth or dare with the silliest dares and weirdest truths, but we're having a great time, everyone's laughing and smiling. It's not until around 2am that the party winds down, Hakyeon makes us drink three more cups of water before sending us all off to bed.

 

It was a great night, I don't want it to end. Wonshik and I crawl into bed together, sharing soft loving kisses and whispers of ‘I love you’ or ‘You mean the whole world to me’ before falling asleep cuddled up together.

 

~Ravi~

According to social media Leo and I might as well have killed somebody. Sure there was a lot of support from our fans, friends, even family but the antis are out for blood.

 

‘Stanning VIXX makes you a fag.’  ‘Don't give your children to, Leo he's a pedophile.’ and of course ‘So Ravi sexualized those girls in Bomb to hide the fact that he's a fag?’ It's so gross to see things like that, it kinda hurts too. Why does our love automatically make us bad people?

 

I don't have time to address the hate, Leo and I have to get ready for our interview.

 

Once we're both dressed we head outside and into a sea of cameras and reporters. It's not very common for k-idols to be out of the closet, it's even less common for them to be out of the closet and openly dating someone.

 

The paparazzi is more overwhelming than expected. Leo and I ignore all questions thrown at us as we work our way over to the company car. Once inside we take a moment to catch our breath.

 

“Those people are crazy! I hope they're gone when we come back from the interview.” Leo nods, silently agreeing with me.

 

The two of us buckle up before driving off. It's a silent ride, probably because we're both busy thinking about what we'll say during the interview. The tension in the car is suffocating, we're both really nervous about this.

 

When we finally reach the building we're, once again, greeted by the paparazzi and thankfully some guards. The guards keep all the reporters away from the car so we can get out, then they walk with us to the front doors of the building.

I'm really grateful for the guards, I don't think we would have gotten through the crowd without them.

 

Once inside the building Leo and I are lead to a room. It's a quiet room, there's one camera setup to record the interview with, two couches, and a coffee table. It's kind of soothing, something about the color scheme makes me feel relaxed.

 

Leo and I sit next to each other on one of the couches and after about five minutes someone enters the room.

 

“Hello, we're from Soompi, I'm J. Lim and this is E. Kang. We're both writers for the site but today we will be interviewing you.”

 

“Actually Lim will be doing most of the interviewing I'll be documenting the dialogue.”

 

I nod and stand to shake both of their hands, Leo does the same once I'm done. “Nice to meet you two, I'm VIXX's rapper Ravi-”

 

“No no no, we already know you, it's fine.” Lim says, laughing. It seems like a forced laugh but even so I laugh with him.

 

“Would you two like anything to drink?” Kang offers.

 

“Yeah, one coffee with hazelnut, four spoons of sugar and a green tea, three spoons of sugars.” Kang nods and leaves the room.

 

“You ordered for me.” I turn to Leo, who's already sat back down, I sit down next to him.

 

“Yeah, is that okay? Did I order it right? “ He nods and smiles.

 

“Thank you Shikkie.” He leans into me and I smile, wrapping an arm around him.

 

“You two are cute.” I forgot that Lim was still here, the compliment makes me blush as Leo squirms a bit.

 

“Ah, thank you.” He gives us a warm smile and sits down on the couch opposite of us.

 

While we wait for Kang to return Leo and I check out Twitter together. Starlights have started standing up to the antis for us, it makes my heart happy. Seems N hyung has made a statement to the antis too. How'd I get lucky enough to have such great friends? A bit more searching shows that all of VIXX has actually stepped forward to defend us, and the group as a whole.

 

There's an article out about the drama, published by allkpop with the title of ‘Is LR hiding from the hate?’ It's disappointing to see such half-assed journalism but no one's surprised anymore. They have no idea what we're about to do, the only ones that know about this interview are Soompi and the rest of VIXX.

 

I don't even see any death threats, were they already deleted? I doubt that there were none at all.

 

On the bright side Starlights had gotten a few hashtags trending. #StandByVIXX #ISupportYouLR #DefendWonTaek and then of course #LoveIsLove. It's good to see the positivity drown out the hate.

 

Kang returns after a while with our drinks and sets them out on the table before sitting down next to Lim. Around Kang’s shoulder is a laptop bag, he pulls the bag into his lap before pulling out a laptop.

 

“Are you two ready to start?” Lim asks us, we nod and moments later someone comes in to sit behind the camera. Suddenly I'm nervous. Leo sits up straight next to me, creating a bit of space between us. His hand is placed next to to me on the couch, I put my hand on top of his and he smiles at me.

 

Kang starts up his laptop then nods at Lim. “Okay, starting in five… four… three… two… … Hello! I'm J. Lim and this is E. Kang. We're here today to interview VIXX’s rapper Ravi and one of VIXX’s main vocals, Leo on their relationship. Leo, Ravi, please introduce yourselves.”

 

I do my best to pretend like I'm being interviewed on a new album instead of my relationship, it helps make me less nervous. “Hello, I'm VIXX’s Ravi, my full name is Kim Wonshik I am a rapper, composer, songwriter and, well, I've choreographed a few dances too.”

 

“Ooooh that's a lot, you're so talented, I'm jealous.” Lim says, I chuckle softly. He's good at relieving tension, I can tell.

 

“Hello, I'm VIXX’s main vocal Leo. My full name is Jung Taekwoon, I'm a vocalist, songwriter, composer and musical actor. I also like to play the piano.”

 

“Oooh two talented people today. Thank you Ravi, Leo. Now that you've been introduced let's move onto other questions, okay?” Lim asks us. The two of us nod, silently giving him permission to go on.

 

“Okay, so first question is: how long have you two known each other?”

 

“About five years, maybe a little more. We met during mydol and it's been about five years since then.” I say in response to Lim, Leo nods silently in agreement.

 

“How long have you had a crush on each other?” Lim asks us. Leo surprises me by answering first.

 

“I've had a crush on Wonshik since mydol. I really liked him to the point where I was hoping he'd get eliminated so that I wouldn't be distracted by my crush on him. But also at the same time I really hoped we'd both make it so I could spend more time with him. I think, apart from my shyness, the reason I didn't talk much was because my crush was there and I didn't want to look stupid. Turns out I debuted with five crazy people so there wasn't even a reason to be so shy.”

 

“Hey! I'm not crazy!” I exclaim, Leo only laughs in response and Lim laughs too. I can't help but smile. Strangely, I'm not nervous at all, even though this interview is very serious. It feels like I'm just talking with friends.

 

I wait for the laughter to die down before answering the question asked earlier. “As for me I didn't really have a crush on Leo until beautiful liar because we spent more time together and that was when he first started to open up a bit. I saw this new warmer side to him compared to the cold side of him that he'd always show and I slowly started falling in love with him.”

 

“Ooh~ How cute, Ravi is a very cute person, Leo you must feel so lucky.” Leo smiles and nods at Lim’s statement and I can't help but chuckle.

 

“Okay so a lot of people are going around saying you're both gay, is that true or is there anything you'd like to clarify?”

 

“Leo’s gay I'm actually bisexual.” I tell Lim who nods.

 

“But Leo, didn't you have a girlfriend?” Lim turns his attention to Leo and silently waits for an answer.

 

“Back when I had a girlfriend I didn't realize I was gay. I really thought I liked girls so I got a girlfriend but then I started to realize that I was basically treating my girlfriend like a really close friend. We didn't kiss much or do lot's of couple stuff. I just wasn't attached to her in that way and she pointed out how distant I was with her when we broke up. I think after that was when I first realized I didn't like girls and that I'd much rather be with other men instead.”

 

Lim listens to Leo speak, before asking another question. “Did it hurt when you two broke up?”

 

“It hurt yes. She may not have been a lover in my mind but she was a really really good friend and after the break up I lost that friend and so I was really hurt.”

 

“I'm sorry to hear that you lost her as a friend but on the bright side you've made lots of new friends since then and even found yourself a great new lover!” Leo smiles and nods.

 

“Yes, I'm very lucky to have met all the friends I have now. I'm very lucky to be with Wonshik too.” Leo turns and kisses my cheek. Lim coos at us.

 

“Aww you two are so cute together! I hope you two have a long happy relationship together.”

 

“Thank you! I hope Leo and I can be together for a long time too.” I smile over at Lim who gives me a small smile in return.

 

“So, Wonshik, tell me, how long have you known that you're bisexual?”

 

I take a sip of my tea from earlier, since it's finally cooled down enough to drink, before answering Lim’s question. “I've known since I was about sixteen so I guess I've known for about 8 years.”

 

“And what about you Leo? When did you first know you were gay?”

 

“I think it's been about nine years, or more. I think deep down I always knew I was gay but I didn't actually realize it until until after my ex left me. I've probably known since I was a child.”

 

Lim nods in understanding before asking. “Can you explain how that's possible in case any of the viewers or readers don't understand?”

 

“Yes, I'll try. It's like how deep down as a kid, if you're straight you know that you're straight but because you're just a kid you don't really realize that you're straight. It's not until later when you start dating that you fully realize that you're straight.”

 

“Thank you Leo, that was a very good explanation. Alright, next question is; how did you react when you first realized you weren't straight?”

 

I answer the question first. “When I first realized I was bisexual I was in denial and then once I realized that I can't just stop being bisexual I broke down. I was still at home when I realized it wouldn't go away so I just locked myself up in my room and cried. I kept asking myself things like ‘Why can't I be normal?’ or ‘Why can't I like only girls?’ and things like that. Looking back now it seems so childish. Being bisexual didn't change who I am it just changed who I date. It took so long to realize that being bisexual is normal, I'm glad I've finally accepted that.”

 

“Woah, you've come so far. It makes me really happy to hear that you're realized there's nothing wrong with being bisexual. I hope you're more happy with yourself now than you were when you first realized you were bisexual.”

 

“I am, Lim. I really am. It feels really good to finally fully accept myself.”

 

“That's good, that's good. What about you, Leo?”

 

“I didn't have a reaction when I realized I was gay. I just accepted it instantly.”

 

“That's good to hear! I guess the people around you were more accepting? Actually that's one of of questions, do you think your environment affected how easily you accepted yourself?”

 

“Yes.” Leo answers the question before I can even open my mouth. “Where I grew up the neighborhood was pretty accepting. We didn't have anyone who was openly out but they weren't really in the closet either. No one asked so they never really said anything. I was surprised to learn how many people around me were gay or bi, I think one of my neighbors were trans, I never saw them get bullied and harassed so it made it easier for me when I realized I was gay.”

 

“You got really lucky! It's very rare for things like that to happen here but I'm glad it went well for you. Wonshik, your turn.”

 

“Ah, I wish I had Leo's luck. The neighborhood I grew up in is definitely the reason I was so afraid of being bisexual. In highschool I had this really close friend who was bisexual, He realized this a year before I did and he told me about it and I accepted him. He didn't want anyone else to know which was fine but somehow someone found out and the rumor spread like wildfire. It started off with people just avoiding him like he had some contagious disease. But by our second year in highschool they started teasing him and harassing him. At first he ignored it or he'd stand up to them and proudly tell them he was bisexual.

He had a really strong personality but all the bullying eventually wore him down. By year three they started physically harassing him, shoving him around or tripping him, slapping his lunch out of his hands. The first time the bullies left a mark my friend was forced to come out to his parents and they kicked him out so I convinced my parents to let him stay with us. He… wasn't himself anymore by that point, just a ghost of himself really. It was about a month before we'd graduate when he snuck out of the house and didn't come back. I didn't see him for three days so I went to look for him but…..”

 

I sigh taking a break from the story to sip at my tea, this memory is really painful for me.

 

“See, since we were close friends we had a secret hideout, I checked there for him and I found him but…. I really wish I hadn't… he was…he was dead.” I force the word out of mouth as if it had physically hurt me. Leo gently squeezes my hand and nuzzles into me as a form of comfort, I force myself to continue talking.

 

“Maybe... if I had found him sooner it wouldn't be so gruesome but it was really bad. No one even seemed to care when they heard that he killed himself. They’d just say things like ‘Good riddance’. or ‘He deserved to die.’ Whenever I think back on it I feel really bad because I grew distant from him in that last month because they were starting to tease me just for hanging out with him. I can't stop thinking that maybe if I hadn't distanced myself he'd still be alive.”

 

That's the first time I've told that story without crying. I guess that means I'm finally moving on? It still hurts but it hurts a lot less than it used to. Leo pulls me into a hug, I hug him back. My eyes must be really watery.

“It's okay Shikkie, please don't blame yourself.” Leo whispers as he rubs my back. I  nod and whisper back.

 

“Don't worry, I'm okay.” We hug for a small while longer before pulling away, Leo instead settles for holding my hand instead of hugging me.

 

“Are you okay?” Lim asks once Leo lets go of me.

 

“Yes, I'm fine, thank you.” I pick up my mug of tea and take a long sip from it.

 

“should I continue then?”

 

“Yes, go ahead.” I really appreciate how considerate Lim is, it makes this whole thing alot easier.

 

“Okay so then how did your loved ones take it? You know like parents, friends, band mates, your fans.”

 

“My dad didn't like it at first but I told him that I was happy with myself and that I was fine with being gay and so he soon came to accept it. My friends took it well, or at least my close friends did. Starlights seem to be taking it well too.” Leo explains.

 

“I… don't think I actually told my parents or my friends. I only formally told VIXX and then Starlights. Most of our Starlights seem very supportive so far, they've even started trending hashtags to show their support. As for the band members the only one who had a problem with it was Hyuk but even he’s realized that there's no reason to be against us and started supporting us too.”

 

“I’m very glad to hear that. That's all the questions that we had prepared for this,thank you both so much for talking with us today. I know it must have been very hard for you. It's really brave of you guys to do this. Is there anything you'd like to add before you leave?” Lim asks us. I shake my head no, I've said enough.

 

“Yes I'd like to say one last thing. When Wonshik was still learning to accept himself he was convinced that he should be straight. I want everyone to know that you shouldn't _have_ to be anything that makes you uncomfortable.  If you're gay then be gay. If your bisexual, transgender, aromantic or anything else then be that. Embrace it because _that_ is what you should be. Don't ever deny yourself happiness because someone else has a problem with who you are.”

 

“Woah, that's a very powerful message. Thank you both for your time here. It makes me sad that the interview is over.”

 

“Thank you for having us here. We really hope what was said here today can help more people understand each other and help people learn to accept themselves and others.” Lim smiles at me.

The three of us stand, shake hands, say our goodbyes, and leave. Leo and I head off to go on our first real date. We find a nice little restaurant to eat at, we talk and laugh and kiss and cuddle openly, for the first time ever. The people around us are a mix of disgusted and amused, I can hear them insulting us under their breath and that's fine, I don't care.

 

Things won't exactly be easy from here on out, it's going to be a challenge, we're all aware of that. But we also know that so long as we have each other, we can do anything. And with the help and support of our fans, our family, we're practically invincible.

  
I am so proud to be bisexual and it makes me so happy to be dating Taekwoon. Nothing will ever change that. I can only hope that our fans will also find the strength to love themselves, no matter who they are, who they love, or what they identify as.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello this is the author, yumi. if you're reading this then I'd like to thank you for reading up until this point it means alot to me. I spent literal months on this which is something I've never done with any of my fics before and so it would mean the world to me if you could also leave a comment below, I love reading comments, you don't bother me by leaving them, your actually making my day with each comment left.
> 
>  
> 
> once more id like to ask that you check out my beta, pacificblues. shes listed as co-creator BECAUSE thanks to her the fic is where it is now, without her influence it would have been sloppy and a grammatical train wreck with lots of awkward grammar mistakes so please check out her fics too.
> 
> once again thanks for reading, liking, ajd commenting, your support means alot to me.
> 
> I'll see you in whatever I write next <3


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